Friday, December 31, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Oh, who are we kidding? There is what some might call a "lot" of yarn here. So what?
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
- The deli downstairs is having "Wiener Wednesday" with hot dogs, brats, etc., and one of the ladies at work is just slightly too excited about that.
- My boss (and I swear this IS true) just asked someone how bi-focals work, because as a man in his 40's in these United States, he shouldn't be expected to have a grasp on that concept. Really? You don't understand bi-focals? Bi-focals? Why don't you just go home and lock yourself in the basement before you hurt yourself?
- We're being asked to trust the same person who doesn't "get" bi-focals to stand up for us, to some of our highly educated clients, and explain our program without making the rest of us look like total assholes. Hold me.
- Let me make it perfectly clear that we do not need his assistance in looking like total assholes--we've got it covered.
- I spoke to a client yesterday who happened to have a strong (almost stereotypical-sounding) Italian accent, who also happened to be from New York. We spoke for a while, and he asked if he could put me on hold, so I said, "Sure." ...And what do you suppose was his hold music? Uh...the freaking theme from The Godfather. The Theme From The Godfather. Strangely, I was much more agreeable to his point of view after my short time on hold. Touche with the subtle sales tactic. You win.
- Last nights Glee? When they sang Don't Cry For Me Argentina? Yeah, baby...
- When I say that I started wrapping Christmas presents last night, please understand that what that actually means is I picked out the wrapping paper and bought it, then watched while one of my kids started wrapping Christmas presents last night.
- Ditto the holiday spritz cookies.
- Thank you,
Cybermen--er....I mean, Online Retailers, for continuing to have ridiculously AMAAAAAZING deals and sending me 17 emails a day about them. Sorry, I've spent it all. I spent it ALL on Thanksgiving DAY! Yep. Not a penny left to spare on the $29.99 laptop. Nothing but Ramen and spritz cookies from here to February. Let me know when you reach that elusive Never-Runs-Out-Of-Money demographic you seek, OK?
- OK, that one was a lie. It won't be just Ramen and spritz cookies. I probably have some pinto beans in the cupboard. Pinto beans and a can of creamed corn. We'll be fine.
- I cleaned my room and the cats were so excited that I removed all of the clothing off of my chair (for once) that they now fight over the chair. It was especially awesome to witness cats fighting over the chair this morning at 4:00AM.
- OK, that last part was a lie. I mean the 4:00AM part was true, but it was not, in any way, "awesome".
- Related: One kitten for sale, barely used.
Monday, November 29, 2010
True to form, I am not quite done making this item--hopefully before there is a tree, there will be a skirt. My children should expect no hot meals before this is finished. The yarn is from Herrschners, and I believe they started selling this a year ago (maybe two) but they were sold out every time I looked until October of this year, so, I grabbed a bag of it and began, as soon as I was able.
Since these are the "new" Christmas colors and most of my tree started showing this color scheme last year (in the ornaments and ribbon), the fact that I am hand knitting something to go with this trend is a sure indicator that by this time next year I'll be sick of it and ready to switch to something else. Sometime around next Thanksgiving, I'll be reminded of my distaste for fuchsia, will re-visit Herrschners and will be advised that the NEW "New" Colors are all sold out.
Until then--"Oooo-aaaaah! How delightfully trendy!"
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
- Got an email from the Science Museum of Minnesota, announcing the on-sale for the exhibition of the greatest of all rock and rollers, King Tut, and now, of course, all I can think of is how he "gave his life for tourism", because that's just how funny Steve Martin is.
- Got another email announcing a "Live Mohair Competition". Of course I opened it. Who wouldn't? I mean, knitting? Live? Yeah, baby! Much more exciting than some dead guy. (Was that sarcastic? Because that was supposed to be sarcastic. Any word on that sarcasm font? Anyone? Anyone?)
- Interesting to note that the dead guy is still touring and he's coming to my town, but, you have to buy a plane ticket to see the knitting. Oh, Vogue. I love you so much....You're almost the only entity in the world who can get away with telling me what to do.
- I went to parent/teacher conferences last night, and one of my 10th grader's teachers suggested that I might be her sister. It was, far and away, the lamest thing I'd ever heard in my life. Of course I lapped it up like a dehydrated beagle. Similarly, a person at my office, who is 30 years old, figured that I must be about 8 years older than her. Yeah. Needless to say, I made no effort to correct her.
- I conned my boss into giving us a "Casual Week" because....well, just for the hell of it, really. So here we all are in our jeans and slippers (shut up) and wouldn't you just know that every other department on our floor chose this week to step it up and wear heels and skirts and suits? GAH! I hate you guys! Where were all the sloppy, schleppy clothes you all had on last week?
- Noted: Writing blog posts does NOTHING to prevent one from succumbing to the effects of the freezing cold office, where the air temp isn't high enough to thaw a Thanksgiving bird. Time to switch back to the excitement of live knitting...
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
I don't watch TV like a normal person. I mean, I do, and yet, I cringe when people say they have to rush home because their show is on and they don't want to miss any of it. Yes, it still occurs, even in this age of DVR, people still leave my presence, using only a television program as an excuse.
Wait a minute....maybe that's just those people's excuse? Maybe they are trying to be nice and don't want to tell me the REAL reason they are leaving????? GAH!
I had to go there, didn't I? Had to go there...
I have very few "musts" associated with a television schedule, though there are television "dates" with my daughter--is that the same thing?
Anyway, once upon a time, on a boring Saturday morning, I was all alone, flipping around on the TV, looking for something to watch, and it was early enough in the day that there was nothing on except infomercials, so I got out the crack pipe **cough** I mean, went to my Netflix on demand--same difference, and saw the much-recommended 30 Rock sitting there all lonely-like. I clicked "Play Now" and lost several days of my life, just like that.
Around the following Thursday, I had completed watching every single episode all of the first four seasons of that show....and little else. I prepared my food in the kitchen, but returned to the front of the TV before eating it. I did my writing with the laptop on my lap and the Wii remote lying to my immediate left. I showered and made myself presentable when I absolutely had to leave the house, but most of all, I just watched TV, in my jammies. I watched TV late into the night. I watched TV early in the morning. I stuffed my face with as much of it as I could, until all of it was gone.
I awoke from my comedy daze, hungry for more, but still not willing to tune in to the show at it's regular time on Thursdays because, uh, that would be entirely too normal, watching it one episode at a time.
I did that exact thing with The Tudors, except the 3rd and 4th seasons of that spectacular show were only on DVD and people, I suffered, OK? Suffered. DVD? Like....you have to wait for it to come in the mail? GAH!
(P.S.: Dear Producers of The Tudors. I'm sure you tried very hard to make Jonathan Rhys Meyers look fat and blobby like the Henry VIII of legend, but the dude's a stone fox, and a skinny one, at that. So you failed. Not that I mind. At all.)
Anyway...That's how I watch TV when I watch it. In massive doses. I'm a huge TV pig. I want it all, and I want it right now.
It's much the same with chocolate and me, as you can well imagine.
Season 5 of Dr. Who? Watched it. All of it. All at once. Then I went back and rewatched all the previous seasons, too. Ah, Rose Tyler, we hardly knew ya. Oh, and I watched every episode of Torchwood over again, too.
The reason I am bringing this up now is because I'm all caught up on 30 Rock, and have only the last disc of The Tudors left before I have watched all there is to see of that. So...the king is about to die and I have no suitable television heir. Which means I might, for a time, watch TV like a normal person, adhering to something resembling a schedule.
It's entirely possible that I might go to sleep sometime before midnight so that 5:30AM alarm clock jangle will be less dreadful when it goes.
Waking well rested, I'll be cheerful and less rushed in the mornings. Shut up, it could happen.
I may even sit at the table to dine. Wouldn't that be something?
The cats will be so confused.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
- Get Busy. I know, I know....plunking down in front of a television may not seem like "busy", but I swear it is. Really. Not only is it important for me to spend evenings burning through the final season of The Tudors on DVD (and no, we will not be discussing the entire week lost to "30 Rock") but I have a lot of knitting commitments and sure it seems like leisure, but....I call "busy". And I will provide some variety of photographic evidence in the near future. And for the record? That's one effing great TV show.
- Yawn. I can almost say that there is nothing happening except knitting and television. Oh, yes, there is driving back and forth and going to work and eating and sleeping, but....yawn. Boring!
- There is no Three.
- What? You thought that even though there was no Three, that there would be a Four? What the hell's the matter with you?
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
- I think I can say this now: I'm sick of Taylor Swift. Actually, I was sick of her about a year and a half ago, but I never said anything because, gee, it's Taylor Swift and how bad could she possibly be? Not to say that she's bad, I just stopped caring. We have now progressed from "Don't Care" all the way to "For the love of God, please stop".
- It should also be mentioned, any time I am rolling my eyes about someone famous, that clearly I am not famous, or young and cute, or in any position to proclaim myself "better" than anyone who is famous, or talented, young and cute, or any combination of the three, but if you want to tell me to shut the hell up about it, save your breath. I was a cynical harpie long before Taylor Swift was even born.
- For those of you following along on Twitter, yes, I mentioned Jack Benny with the assumption that people would actually know who that was.
- No, the fact that I'm old enough to know who Jack Benny is does not have anything to do with me being sick of Taylor Swift. Does Taylor Swift know who Jack Benny is? If she doesn't, can I hold that against her?
- I'm about to get cozy with my cable bill. Hold me.
- Three weeks later, the so-called "Six Hour Afghan" is still not finished. Can you say "Christmas Present"? Don't worry, I'll pretend that was the plan all along.
- The woman in our office who likes to declare "Pot Luck" every third Wednesday must be stopped!!! I barely get around to cooking for the people I'm actually related to, and I'm supposed to contribute to the office, too?
- On the other hand....YUM-O! And thank you to all the people who like to show off their cooking skills at office potlucks...
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
--Listening to The Used singing their cool remake of the Queen/Bowie song "Under Pressure" and realizing with some certainty that Freddie Mercury's original ad-lib scat singing is something no other human should try to replicate. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.
--Also noted on this trip, Tom Petty's "You Wreck Me" has always been, and will continue to be a bit of ass-shaking perfection
--Gone the way on the dino, but of no importance to anyone: colored toilet paper. Huh? Anyone? Yeah, I told you it was completely unimportant...
--We toured a college (which will remain un-named for the moment, and you will soon learn why...) that my teenager declared "not pretty enough". And...that was actually one her reasons for not wanting to attend classes there. Yeah...
--I dunno--all of my friends who went to school there are among my favorite people on the planet, so I know it turns out good people...either that or they were REALLY awesome before, and somehow managed to stay awesome in spite of the school? Naaaah...
--By the way, "pretty enough" by teenage definition is apparently something along the lines of Oxford University. Feel free to toss your head back and laugh at this point. I sure did.
--One more note about college--WOW, have things turned spa-like since I attended college 872 years ago! The food options alone make me wish I was 18 again. And free state of the art fitness center? Uh, Hello!?!? Not pretty enough...
--Speaking of food options, I ate a seafood enchilada last night that made me rather happy to be alive.
--I have become the second-to-last person on the planet to switch to a flat screen tv...or at least my kind neighbor who intercepted my package delivery yesterday in my absence assure me that there is one of those sitting in my living room right now. Woo! More couch time!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Why don't you just use email notification like a normal person? That way, when the author responds, it gets sent right to your email! Oh, wait, never mind...I guess that would take the "Anonymous" out of your "Anonymous" now, wouldn't it? Luckily, this person is not tech-savvy enough to actually be anonymous, and you can clearly see that somebody logging in from Red Rock Radio in Duluth, Minnesota has entirely too much time on their hands. I'm not tech-savvy myself, so you know it didn't take much to figure out who this particular "Anonymous" is. Nicely done. You don't look obsessive at all!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Or, watch MTV—either/or.
For those of us in the crowd (myself included) who may be nerds or geeks or rednecks or whatev’s, Parkour is when those people run up walls, do a handstand off a fence rail and a flip over a garbage container, then follow that up with a roll under a park bench.
I like to call it Urban Gymnastics.
My kitten, Napoleon (classic "short man" syndrome on this guy, by the way...) is unbelievably talented at Parkour. (Kittens throughout the ages have had this skill, but thank God we now have a name for it...)
Say you’re me, and you’re sitting in a chair, just an ordinary, ugly reclining chair, and maybe you have a remote control for the television resting on one arm of the chair and your phone on the other arm, and you’re doing important Facebook stuff on the laptop while cradling a cup of
Oh, come on! Play along!
Suddenly, you hear the kitten barreling down the hallway in his distinctive gallop, and as he rounds the corner, you realize with some horror that he’s headed right for you. In the split second it takes for him to get from the hallway to the chair, the only thought that runs through your mind is that when that cat hits your lap at that speed, you are going to spill
What happens instead? Magic.
The kitten leaps from three feet away to the right arm of the chair, spots the remote, adjusts, and lands just beyond it. Then, in the same movement, he launches himself to the top of the chair, hangs momentarily behind your head, then proceeds down the other side, skipping gingerly over the phone, following that with a beautiful long jump to the coffee table where he narrowly avoids three lit candles, vaults again, ricocheting off the front of the sofa, and before you know it, is on his way back down the hall.
And not a drop of
Monday, September 20, 2010
Life is full of perspective-changing moments. Saturday night I was out with a friend, and both of us were complaining about how much it sucks being single. We lamented how sad it was for us, even though we have friends, not being someone else's special someone.
When I got home from dinner, I found out that another friend had lost her partner of three years in a tragic car accident. Needless to say, I realized immediately that I had nothing to complain about "just" being single. After all, alone was a choice that I made for myself, not one that was thrust upon me through devastating circumstance.
The worst feeling in the world is the feeling of being powerless. I thought I had been feeling that so much lately, and I was, but obviously, I continue to be a very lucky person.
We put so much effort into preventing any bad feelings creeping in--so many unimportant things seem "life or death", and we fight as if we are trying to hold back the flooding waters that will surely drown us. However, on the occasion that things do blow up, you very often wonder why you were so concerned because, well…you lived. You made it through the hard part and the sun came up again. It's never quite so obvious as it is at a time like this.
My friend is a lot like me in that her instinct in this trauma was to just fix it. We fix things that are broken. We can't wrap our heads around situations that our own actions can't cure. While she will never, ever be able to "fix" what happened, in time it will become a part of the landscape of her experience. It will be a low point, to be sure, but being the person that she is, someone capable of remarkable things, I think that she will use this tragedy to fuel many, many future insights.
I wish she didn't have to.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
I will be joining my coworkers by walking in this year's Start! Heart Walk benefiting the American Heart Association on September 25th in Canal Park.
I have set a personal goal to raise funds that are needed for critical heart disease and stroke research and education.You can help me raise funds by making a donation online. Click the link below to visit my personal donation web page where you can make a secure online credit card donation.
The American Heart Association's online fundraising website has a minimum donation amount of $25.00. If you prefer a smaller amount, you can do so by sending a check directly to me.
Your donation will make a difference in building healthier lives free of cardiovascular disease and stroke, our nation's No. 1 and No. 3 killers.
Thanks so much for your support!
Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support American Heart Association-MN Duluth
Thursday, September 9, 2010
OK, wait....First, here is the background to the Serious Question: What a dumb summer. What dumb "writing" this summer. I shoulda slapped myself a long time ago. Three months of whining. They should have taken away my internet access around mid-June. I wasn't even entertainingly angry, I was just depressing.
So here's the question--Is the name "Garret" an asshole name? My 17-year old swears it is.
KIDDING!!! JUUUUUUST KIDDING! That's not the question.
Here's the question, for real: Should I just nuke this entire summer's worth of bloggy-poo? I mean, I can't even read this crap. I don't want it around. Whiny, Woe Is Me, bullshit is all it is. But I don't want anybody surprised when something very recent just goes "Poof!", so, that's why I'm asking...
(What we may end up doing is "editing" content so that the dates remain the same and instead of the depressing whining, there will be pictures of cute boys and/or recipes for salsa. That way people will think all I talked about all summer was cute boys and salsa.)
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Mind you, this is the exact opposite of what I'm like in real life. In real life, I am an intelligent, competent, independent, competitive, madly motivated, and hard-working person.
Those qualities are no longer called for. Crap...I just spent the last 30 years perfecting them.