Thursday, October 7, 2010

Pat On The Head

Did you ever have someone talk to you as if you were very small? 

I mean something along the lines of a, "Wow, you tied your shoes all by yourself!  You are such a BIG GIRL!" kind of thing…

Why yes, just today, in fact.  Why do you ask?

Let me give you a little background, starting with the obvious, that being that I'm a grown-ass woman and any patting on the head that occurs as a result of my miraculously being able to do something any normal grown-ass woman should be able to do is only going to result in me being annoyed at your condescension.

Also, I have been speaking in the grown –up language about grown-up topics for many years now.  Granted, I spent 14 years in radio, so, I was a bit slower in developing my Adult Persona (radio is really all about extending your inappropriateness as far as you can, for as long as you can), but, I stopped doing that ten years ago, and I now know how to behave appropriately in many situations. 

Funny thing is, when I was in radio, everybody assumed I was appropriate when I seriously wasn't.  Now that I'm no longer in radio, they assume I can't be appropriate.  Weird.

Anyway….today, I wrote an email.  It was an email just like the million other emails I write every day for work, and somebody went out of their way to say, "That email you sent to Dr. So-And-So was very appropriate."

As if they were concerned that I would send Dr. So-And-So an email that was inappropriate. 

As if, for my jollies, I like to annoy and confuse our clients, and when I'm feeling REALLY crazy, I create litigation-able correspondence in hopes that I can say something SO inappropriate that my Fortune 500 company gets sued.

(Insert eye roll here)

Does anyone out there have a job where people act like you know what you're doing?  I'm just curious if they even exist. 
Anyone?  Anyone?

I'm a writer, OK?  I write.  That's what I do.  I write.  To assume that I cannot create a simple document is the highest insult.  So I just would like to take this opportunity to very inappropriately say "Fuck off" to the people who do that.  Please also note that the "Fuck off" is located a safe distance from the business correspondence.  Because I'm just that good.  Now please, don't let me keep you from the very important business of fucking off.  Thank you and have a wonderful day.

1 comment:

  1. Ironically I am given a wild amount of freedom to screw things up - however I don't think I ever have..and am often forced to talk "small" to someone who once had a wild amount of freedom but did not use it appropriately.

    Sometimes people who are to stupid to know better talk small to me. And then I crush them.


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