Friday, October 15, 2010

Keeps The Riff-Raff Out

Sorry about the momentary flame-out on that last post.  Sometimes, the only way to get rid of hateful people is to be mean.

Of course, the meanest thing you can ever do is put someone's ridiculousness on display.  We all have our own ridiculousness.  The difference between sane people and crazy people is that crazy people like to pretend that they don't have ridiculousness.  That's why putting it on under a spotlight is such a powerful thing.

These are the people of my life.  There must be some level of comfort for them in me, because there are a lot of people like that who find their way to me.  Yes, I have actually met the creeper person in real life, and I thought it was hilarious when a friend joked to me that I had a "stalker like those Hollywood types".  To be honest, I don't think there has ever been a time in my life in the last 25 years when I DIDN'T have someone like that in my life somewhere.  It might be the actual psycho hiding in the dumpster, or, it might be someone with a job and a reputation to uphold.  

Those are the scary ones, by the way--the ones with something to lose.

I usually try to blow off bad behavior.  Regular readers don't laugh.  I mean, yes, I get mad, and obviously I rage and vent, but after I'm done blowing off steam I go back to a regular heart rate.  While this is all very good for my mental health, it does nothing to address the crappy things that people do, and, in most cases, it's not my job to address the crappy things that people do--that is, until they show up where I "live" and try to shit all over the place.

Anyway...sometimes, in order to maintain your mental health, you can't turn the other cheek--you have to defend yourself.  When this asshole showed up and declared me an "awful person" because of my reaction to some stepdaughter drama, clearly they no intimate knowledge of my history with that person--they only think they know me because we shared a meal, once.  They don't know the number of hours I spent consoling her father when her mother denied his right to see her and her brother.  They don't know the sheer amount of time spent writing and typing up affidavits and working on the numerous court cases where we fought for custody of her, and how we went into debt to try to get her away from her abusive mother.  

Putting your self and your own children in considerable financial risk to try to save someone else's kid is not something that an "awful person" does.  

And what about when she finally did come to live with us?  This abused child, who acted out, who needed a strong but loving hand, but I was not allowed to do more than advise on discipline because I am not her parent.  Being forced to sit and watch while she stole from my own children, lied, and manipulated all of us, getting basically whatever she wanted, all while blaming my children and me for everything bad that was happening in the household?  All while her father did nothing about her behavior?  Yeah, you're right.  All that turning the other cheek is the sign of an awful person.

Do you think, if you asked her, that she would have even one nice thing to say about me?  Me, the lady that was just trying to keep her from failing out of school and/or getting pregnant or arrested?  Highly unlikely.  She didn't have anything nice to say for the first ten years I knew her, and I'm sure her level of gratitude for the sacrifices I made on her behalf has not changed.

I endured this person, OK?  Endured.  Her abusive, narcissist mother succeeded in producing an almost perfect copy of herself in this child because even though we finally got custody of her, the fact that her father didn't demand better behavior gave her permission to keep strolling down the same road her mother put her on.  I have every right to be annoyed when I hear that her father gave her money again, and that she pissed it away, again, on everything but the rent.  It was especially bitchy the way she didn't even try to hide her shopping spree from the guy who gave her the money, but that's her style:  Bitchy.  It breaks my heart to see the way she and her brother have taken advantage of their father.  He's only trying to help, and all they do to repay him is shit on him.  I have every right to roll my eyes when I hear about her asking her "Daddy" to rescue her from yet another situation she was warned away from, but got into anyway.  The person who came to my blog to nominate her for sainthood because she got into a physical altercation with her boyfriend has spent even less time with her than they have with me.  They know nothing.

I take it back--they don't know nothing.  The learned one very important thing this week.  They learned Shelly will rip your head clean off if you EVER question her integrity in matters concerning her step children.  I gave up everything for them, and got nothing in return.  Don't you dare.  Don't you dare, EVER go there.


  1. (don't flame me, Shel, but if he stopped being their bank, he wouldn't be their bank. So the advantage that they take of him is by his permission.)
    (secondarily, are they the types that if he did stop bankrolling their stupidity, they would 'forget' his phone number?)
    (Presumably you have ways to know that this is IDB)

  2. I certain won't flame you! You are absolutely correct. This is a thing that he does by choice. Sadly, this doesn't make it any less heartbreaking for me to watch... :-( Sad, mostly, because this was item number one in our break-up--the family money distribution was decidedly lopsided, and I wasn't hip to that. It ended up being a deal breaker in the end.

    I am not really sure what would happen if he suddenly told them to get their own shit together. I would have liked to see that. I'm sure we all give in to certain things with our own children that, if it were someone else's kid, we wouldn't consider doing that for them. That's the trick to being married, though--just agreeing on that kind of stuff. All of these things are very sad for me to talk about and think about--I mean, I love him, and there was never really a question of that, just, "can I watch this continue to happen to someone I care about" and, I really can't.

  3. And you know that I may have been sounding flip with the HW joke, but also KNOW it is no laughing matter. I hired a PI when my kid was in high school because she had a stalker of her own and I wanted to be well aware of what was going on there and this was after I had talked to the cops about him.

    So I'm glad you could laugh along with it even though it was cringe-worthy.

    Did the margarita date get set? :)


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