Monday, November 30, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Last night, as we neared my friend's rural home, on a two-lane strip of pavement only lit by our headlights, she spent the entire 11 miles driving 40 mph, because the scene reminded her of Jeepers Creepers, and she was waiting for some psycho-killer to pop up in the middle of the road.
I'm giving her the day shift today. We'll see what monsters pop up.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
- Lady at Walgreens? You made my morning. It's 6AM, some half-asleep woman (me) wanders in to buy concealer and mascara, looking very much like she is OUT of concealer and mascara, and you were the bubbliest, sweetest thing. Thanks for the blessing, and have fun cooking for your family!
- The day before Thanksgiving, and I'm craving ham. Ham. Like a ham sandwich would be the very greatest thing right now. Guess what's in my cooler for the road trip? Uh-huh.
- Also bringing the Spaten, because I hate for the beer to be left home alone. Not that I will be able to enjoy it during the actual road trip, but there are beer stops built in to the schedule.
- I get off work three hours earlier than usual today, and yet...working today is the biggest DRAG! Seriously...I'm trapped in an office and compelled to look at traffic maps and weather reports. this can't be a good thing. Remember the days before online traffic maps? When you just winged it? I'm going back to that. After I get out of town, I mean.
- By the way, what brainiac decided that it would be a good time to close the 35W/Crosstown exit? Thanksgiving? The most traveled holiday of the year? All of Southwest Minneapolis, Richfield and Edina would like to give you a good swift kick. Where do you want it?
- *exhale* It's just traffic....you'll get there when you get there.....breathe....
- I know it's supposed to be "vacation", and at some point I'll probably stop worrying about all the stuff that needs to get done before I can enjoy "vacation". I'll be sure to let you know when that is.
- OK, it's now.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Yes. Yes, that is true.
And don't think my siblings didn't call me on it.
My father had to put him down a couple of years ago, and counts that day among his most difficult. Tougher than being on the ambulance crew when your son is involved in a car accident (on my father's 50th birthday, I might add), and tougher than having to drive to Montana in the middle of the night because your kid (ahem...me) got arrested for being all of 17 and somehow possessing ridiculous quantities of wine. In Montana. (OK, OK...Montana was just four miles from our house, but still...)
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
He was a bit of a rule breaker, which I always find charming, and we were young, and therefore dumb as hell, so it was bound to end as explosively as it began. Our daughters would not be the same hilarious, devilish, wonderful people without him as a dad, though, and, probably not nearly as cute.
Some people regret failed love affairs, but try as I might, I never can. Throwing yourself in all the way might make you do crazy things, and the outcome might hurt like hell for a while. You might even think back on it years later and feel bad about the stupid things you did. But it is only through these kinds of relationships that you find your true place. You learn about yourself and about other people, and you learn what works and what doesn't--hopefully you learn before you cause each other too much harm. In the end, four years of crazy is far better than a lifetime of nothing special.
Monday, November 16, 2009
There it sat...the huge box of photographs. I might have been able to resist if my other daughter hadn't dived in and spent a good part of Sunday saying, "Oh, Mom, you gotta see this one..."
Soon enough, I was sitting on the floor, piling through hundreds of photographs--more than 25 years worth of things I cared about enough to take a picture. I was struck by the fact that it has been a long time since I felt the need to snap a photograph of anything, and it saddened me. The last time I took pictures with anything other than my phone was Spring 2008, when the family took a day trip to an old fort on the Gulf Coast.
And there we had it...the reason for the lack of recent photographs...the "family" thing. No family trips, no family holidays. No, "Hey, lets take the day and go skiing" or, "Let's head down to the beach for the afternoon", or "Let's go to Mount Rushmore on an 892 degree day". As much as those things might have seemed like forced marches to the children (or me) at the time, the photos don't lie--everyone was smiling.
I am going to cut myself a slight break because during the last year and a half, I've been buried in rebuilding, and too broke to do anything except work and go home. Also, l have been exhausted, just trying to get to a place where I can feel like it isn't all going to disappear if I don't keep ramming away as hard as I can, every minute. I'm just about there.
I'm not so full of myself that I can't admit that if I had never decided to leave my husband, we'd still be doing things together like that--I'd still have a willing participant if I wanted to go do something, and so would he, and the children would mope about it but have fun when we got there. This is something I desperately miss--being inspired to go do things, because you will always have someone to go with you. Even if it turns out to be dumb, you can always just shrug and say, "well, that was a bust--wanna go get a drink or something?"
The lack of willing participants in my grand schemes of late has been rather disappointing. I love my friends, but...they never want to do anything. I say, "hey, let's go to this show!" and they say something like, "I dunno...I can't stay out late, and it's on a Monday, and there's traffic, and I'm old, and they don't have any chairs at that bar so I'd have to stand up the whole time..." blah, blah, blah, excuses, excuses, excuses. It's depressing that a lot of people I know would rather sit at home and watch TV than get out and experience anything. They act more like 70 year olds than 40 year olds. I say, yes, you'll be exhausted, yes, you'll have to stand up all night, yes, you'll have to fight traffic. But more importantly, you'll have something that can't be taken away--good times, good memories.
If you actually recall any specific dates or details involving a television schedule even one year from now, congratulations. But I bet you won't.
And so it is resolved...I shall get out and do more things, and I will take pictures. I will drag my kids to more things, and, I will take pictures. I'll invite other people, but I won't let their lack of enthusiasm prevent me from going myself. Let them get old without me.
Also resolved? Prepare yourselves...I'm going to be sharing some pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. I'm going to flip through my past for you, to make way for the future. A little Shelly Payne memory book. We'll go back to...the mid 1980's. All the cute boyfriends/spouses and funny friends, all the smiling children. And while I will NOT be posting any photographs in which my hair is truly embarrassing, yes, there will be pictures of me, which is kind of a bloggy first around here.
The thing is, I've had a lot of fun in my life. A lot. Lots of funny stories, and love affairs and hilarious kid moments. I'm ready to have some more. Who's with me?
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
- Why does the parking garage at work smell like a barn?
- Why is it that when I am stuck in the morning mash Crosstown/35-W/Lyndale fiasco, the same song pops into my head every time? For the curious...it's "Who's Bed Have Your Boots Been Under", a song I have not heard since...WE Fest??? What the hell is up with that?
- Did I really go to WE Fest? My 20's are kind of a blur...which is probably why I was thinking that "Who's Bed Have Your Boots Been Under" was a Lorrie Morgan song and not a Shania Twain song...thank you Google. I'm one less question away from Complete Moron today.
- Do Wells Fargo execs sit around in meetings and think of things and say, "I know...THIS will REALLY piss off the average consumer!" and then pat themselves on the back while they implement new, dumb "Terms and Conditions"?
- What do you do with your old driver's license when you get a new one? I mean, the old picture is absolutely heinous, but there must be some kind of shredded collage art project I could do, to highlight the hilarity of the monstrously bad picture...anyone? Anyone?
- Does a bullet point post really seem like grasping at straws, just to put something on the blog? It used to be such a fun format...now it just seems desperate.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Here is a link to Ghosts Of North Dakota (DOT COOOOOOOM....because every web site is an Expedia commercial to me...)
LINK!!!!! It's a LINK!!! Click on it!!!
Go check out the home country. Yes, I grew up there. Yes, it is beautiful. Yes, there are hardly any people there. No, this post was not here on Saturday--I'm totally cheating and back-dated it. HA! And you thought you were losing your mind, didn't you???
But seriously, folks...the cool thing about Ghosts of North Dakota is that they go around and take pictures of ghost towns, and, although there is some beautiful photography, it's not all sugar-coated...rust and decay are not necessarily glamourized. There are less people in the entire state of North Dakota than there are living in the city where I currently reside. It's different there, but cool...wide open spaces, y'all...
Friday, November 6, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
- Horoscope from this morning.."It is time to give your beloved some special attention." You mean...besides stating publicly on a blog that I want to roll over in bed and run into him every morning? Jeeeez...attention pig!
- Now that my car has had a fluid transfusion, it's all, "Take me on the highway! Take me on the highway!" So I tried that...and the first thing I saw on the highway was a huge sign that said "Debris North of Diamond Lake Rd--expect delays" and there we sat, my car and me, for 40 minutes, trying to get from 66th Street to 46th Street. Annoying!
- And I know what you're thinking, Mike--Yes, a trip to Fargo would make my car very happy right now. It would also make ME very happy right now...just need to hang out with some of my cronies once in a while to return my brain to the preferred, Belle Of The Ball state of mind. I realize that this is a state of illusion (delusion?), but just let me have this one thing, OK?
- Meanwhile, if someone would get all excited and finish the Road Construction Project From HELL so I could actually drive on the two highways that lead to my house, that would be SUPER! Thanks! (New bridge to replace the collapsed bridge? One year. New Highway on Dirt? Six years. Dude...I'm just sayin'...)
- Everyone in my office has medical bills that they are appealing and contesting, with both the providers and the insurance companies. It's not a One Out Of Ten People Think Insurance And Medical Billing is Confusing. It's 4 Out Of 5 People WHO WORK FOR AN INSURANCE COMPANY Can't Figure Out Why They Are Being Billed The Way They Are Being Billed! There are so many errors, which make a person crazy, and it's part of the reason why it's so expensive, and definitely one of the reasons why medical bills are crippling average American families. You know I'm right, you know I'm right, you KNOW I'm right! You wanna do something nice for America? Wanna cut health care costs? Stop screwing us around. Put some motivated people behind the change! Start with someone who is looking at their OWN huge medical bill, and I'm sure they'll come up with a creative solution in no time!
- Dear Bank Holding My Money: ((insert raspberry)) That is all.
- Other than Bank Fail, I must say, my life appears to be hanging at the cross-roads of "Woot!" Boulevard and "That's So F*cking Cool" Street. I mean...it's INTERESTING, people! I've had a lot of things make me smile this week, inwardly, and outwardly. I've had a lot of things make me say, "Ah-Ha!" at the most delightful of revelations. And, a lot of little lessons. As usual, I have no idea where any of this is headed, but, the trip is never dull...Grateful every day!
Monday, November 2, 2009
I'll give it a shot. But I'm not joining anything, so nobody better step on my head if they notice that sometime around, oh, November 4th, there isn't a blog post.
Welcome to November, where, in theory, everybody who has a blog posts a blog every single day for the entire month.
Last night, my daughter and I watched The Girls Next Door and that Lorenzo Lamas reality show. Back to Back.
STILL ALIVE!! Woooooo-Hoooooo!
The Girls Next Door went "camping" in the backyard of the Playboy Mansion, which involved them setting up a tent (badly) and telling ghost stories while a succession of butlers brought them food (and hopefully cleaned up the horrendous mess they left out by the pool—my gaaawd, what PIGS!). Then the sprinkler came on and everybody returned to the mansion. Were I would normally take this opportunity to call them a bunch of pussy's, I think it might be inappropriate in this situation.
Now then…do we categorize this as "stupid"? Or, "annoying"? Both? Anyone up for making those whacky situations reality "stars" get themselves into be a little less contrived? I mean, less contrived than three hot chicks sharing a 70-odd year old "boyfriend"? I used to like that show, when it was the other three hot chicks sharing the 70-odd year old "boyfriend". Sure, there were whacky situations, but, at least all three of those ladies appeared to have brain cells in working order. These three? Not so much.
My brain cell barometer is a person's ability to set up a tent, by the way…if you are defeated by a tent, then you have no honor…
OhMyGawd, I cannot BELIEVE I am critiquing a reality show! See what happens in November? "Write something every day…" Jeeeeez…
After I excused myself for large chunks of the fake camping experience, I returned to the living room in time to watch Lorenzo Lamas take his hot daughter with him to the motorcycle rally in Sturgis, where he was (rightfully) concerned about the possibility of her running around in ass-less leather chaps and getting into trouble. He used the word "dangerous". Yes, I think we can agree with that—couple of clueless hot chicks with lots of wiggle in their walks, surrounded by drunken horny guys? Danger! Danger! (Cut to shot of daughter and friend modeling ass-less leather chaps and wondering why the assembled crowd of men is ogling them).
OK….stupid? Or annoying?
By the way, there are no prizes, but, voting is free, so go nuts.
Are you SURE you want me to write something every single day of November? Really, really sure? Cuz this is the stuff that comes out, you know…
Tomorrow, let's talk about boys! Throw me some names—gimme the ones you like, and I'll see if they compare to the one(s) I like…and after that heated discussion, I'll see if I have enough recipes to fill the rest of the month.