Monday, March 2, 2009

Teetering On The Edge Of Trashy

There is a definite Ameri-Slang sound to the way I write and, even more so to the way that I speak (yes, one day, you shall hear these rants performed in the manner in which they were intended--if you visualize the destruction caused when a Great Dane stomps though a tulip bed, you'll get an idea of the sound of it).  Some days, like today, I absolutely hate it.  I hate it today, because I spent the weekend burying myself in the works of people who demonstrate far more talent in the use of the language than I.  Through their talent, they show what the instrument is capable of, and I am humbled to the point of not wanting to open my mouth, because 'Teetering On The Edge Of Trashy' is the only way I can think to describe my "style" at the moment.
Communication is...truly amazing.  You can make infinite noises to convey every thought you could ever imagine.  You can say nothing and speak volumes.  You can create your own sound, and a whole new language if you wish.  You can create a thing called 'Teetering On The Edge Of Trashy', counting on at least a small group of individuals who will be able to find the humor in it, and a large chunk of the population who won't understand that you meant it as a compliment when you called a guy 'that little fucker'.
I come by this way of speaking and writing through the bearing of many influences in my life, the most important being the fact that I spent 15 years actively and intently listening to myself when I worked in radio.  There is nothing like being forced to hear yourself speak to beat the colloquialisms right out of you.  (By the way, I work within listening distance of one of our company's call centers, and have come to believe that every person in that department should be REQUIRED to listen to themselves speak, every day, for at least an hour a day, so they may be similarly educated regarding their horrific speaking habits.) 
Now, I just use those crutches as humorous device, in effect making fun of every person who continues to utter them while being unaware of how they actually sound.  For what other reason would I TYPE the words "you know?" into a sentence?
Ahem....It is because I'm being a smart-ass.
I wonder, very often, how many people actually get the joke.   It is difficult to pull off if you are writing--simpler if you are speaking out loud.  People who have known me forever, who also read this blog, tell me that I write how I speak, but, unlike a lot of you, they have the benefit of actually hearing the aggressive facetiousness in their head while they read.  They know me. 
Perhaps I should post a disclaimer at the top of the page to indicate that in all cases, sarcasm should be assumed.  Or that in 'Teetering On The Edge Of Trashy', most variations of the 'F' word should be considered an adjective, simply meaning, "very, very", as in "Fucking Brilliant" from this weekend's post, (except when inserting the 'F" word into a name, ala "Justin-Fucking-Currie", in which case you are referencing that person's obvious greatness and your comparatively lowly position in the talent pool).
And let us not forget that "Shit" is actually just "Stuff".  Except when Stuff is Shit.
Too much explaining.
It might be better to simply say, "It's supposed to be funny," let it go, and hope that it will be.


  1. wait, wait, wait.

    I type you know and mean you know....

    Does that mean you are making fun of me?

    (although I do keep trying to tell the boi child that nothing says cussing like a good 'motherf*&er'--you can throw other shit in there and rhyme and whatever, but get the motherf&*er in and you've done a good job. I could have a less than traditional view of parenting.....maybe)

  2. But...there is a difference! You can type "You know" as in, "You know you're right" and that's just normal, but, if you're, you know, throwing in "you know" just the way you would do in conversation...that's different. Just commenting on the people who use that phrase and are completely unaware that they are using it, of which there are many!

    I'm not a huge fan of the MF, and I don't know why that is. We do "rat bastard" a lot around here for some reason, though. And obviously, I cuss like a sailor, so there are all kinds of words flying around...


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