Thursday, June 4, 2009

Inky And The Brain

Because I am a super-nerd, and also because I spend my entire day moving paper (from one side of my desk to the other, from the fax machine to my desk, from my desk to other people's desks, from my desk to the mail room, from the mail room to my desk....blah, blah, blah), I have pretty much every office supply item known to human kind within my immediate grasp, and, well, thank g*d for office supplies because jobs that involve moving paper really SUCK if you can't wrestle it into submission with alligator clips and stuff.
Because of my desire to have other people do the dumb stuff in my life so I can stick to the FUN (read: nerdy) stuff, I do a lot of the feigned ignorance thing, where I'll approach someone with the puppy eyes and be all " *blink*  *blink* I don't know how to do this....can YOU do it?  *blink*  *blink* " 
And you know it's complete bullshit because someone with a buck-fifty IQ should be able to refill an electric stapler.
But I don't WANT to refill the electric stapler.  I'm busy doing super-nerd stuff.  Very, very busy.  Working Brain.  Big Ideas!  No time for little things.
I have a date stamper, because I work for an insurance company and our favorite CYA thing to do is stamp EVERY piece of mail we get to show the exact date we got it, just in case we ever need to screw you out of some money based on what date you sent us payment, your application, your appeal of a $3000 emergency room bill, etc.  We're quite serious about dates being on everything--if we thought it might be financially advantageous to date-stamp our asses, I guarantee that my boss would set up a work station, just for that.
Yesterday, my date stamper ran out of ink, and I did the whole " *blink*  *blink*  My date stamper is out of ink... " in that flailing, helpless, bullshit way that I do, and the office supply girl, instead of taking the stamper out of my sad, sad, little outstretched hand, instead just handed me new ink. 
Like, she figured I could just refill the thing all by myself.
Now...I use this dumb stamper so much that it's like an extension of my right hand, and you'd think this wouldn't be a big deal, but seriously, in all the time I've worked here, through NUMEROUS refills, I've never once done it by myself--I've always carefully conned someone else into doing it.
I'm scared to do it, that's why.
Apparently not without good reason.  I wish I had photos...
Of course, I had to be pathetic and go back and show the office supply girl the big, inky mess I made, just to prove how truly helpless I was with simple tasks.  I wonder if she'll remember that the next time I walk over to her desk, looking feeble and holding an empty date stamper.

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