Analyst Is Typing

Random, Random, and Random...

• I was in an "online chat" with one of those automated "online chat" customer service machine thingy's this morning. I would have called an actual person (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--oh, sorry...I'm sure that somewhere, within that company, an "actual person" speaks to customers...I wasn't implying....oh, fuck it, yes I was...), but when I called them, it was "all lines are busy". Wow....a major company that doesn't answer it's phone...must not be a lot of competition if they think they don't have to talk to people. BUT ANYWAY...on the "chat" with the computer, long periods of NO conversation took place while "Analyst is typing" appeared right above the dialogue box. The analyst is a very, very, very, very, very sloooooooow typer. Also, because the analyst is a machine, and I am what you might call a "conversational" writer, I was all, "Hey, can you get me an itemized list of that charge on my bill?" but I think the machine interpreted that to mean "Go to a high bridge and jump off." I momentarily entertained the idea of messing with the machine by continually typing "RedRum!", but, on the off chance that "Rosario" was an actual person, I refrained.
• OH! There is a new Elvis Costello album out! Woooooo-Hooooooo! It's super-good...If you're reading on blogspot, see the linky-doo on the right side of the page to listen to bits of it. For the rest of you, go here for Secret, Profane and Sugarcane.
• Last night, I was actually watching paint dry. Woooooo-Hoooooo! Paint drying! Um, yeah, sorry...but anyway! When I moved into my apartment, I bought a gallon of high gloss paint in a color called Bitter Chocolate. It is the darkest, richest, brown paint in the history of brown paint. Damn, I love Behr. As I buy things or find things for the apartment, a lot of them are getting painted Bitter Chocolate. The 20 dollar unfinished dressers from Ikea? Bitter Chocolate. Kitchen Shelves? Bitter Chocolate. Curtain Rods? Bitter Chocolate. Wooden tray that I bought 20 years ago? Bitter Chocolate. Baby blue bookcase found at a Junior High School building auction? Yeah--that ugly thing was the first to be transformed. I really, REALLY love the unified look of things--it's freaking Gorgeous, OK? Very calm, very zen...Plus, I got my curtains up--kind of a natural-colored linen tab curtain, also from Ikea, and they are fabulous. I got a couple of paintings up (including "perros con sombreros"--oh, the whimsy...!) and it's starting to look like a really cool place. I LOVE my apartment. LOVE it!
• If you're looking for a little light reading, check out "How the Beatles Destroyed Rock n Roll: An Alternative History of American Popular Music". OK, maybe it's not "light" like you are thinking "light". Maybe the handsome heroes in the book are actually some of the so-called "bad guys". Maybe there are no "romantic" sex scenes like you might find in your other summer beach-reading materials. So what? How could you possibly resist that title?
• I'm thinking I might eat nothing but chicken burritos and watermelon for the duration of the summer. Just sounds good for some reason.
• OK, I might throw in an occasional hunk of beef, but not a burger--gotta be prime rib or a steak or something...girl needs her protein you know.
• Please, no dirty jokes about "girl needs her protein". Thank you.
• Wait, wait...I happen to know that a couple of you, at this very moment, are doing the "Girl needs her protein" nudge-nudge thing while you sit in your comfy chairs with your filthy minds. Let me just take this opportunity to say one thing: OhMyGawd I love you sick fuckers...