Friday, October 23, 2009

Checking It Twice

Some wise person said that if you want a thing to manifest in your life, write it down.  Write down exactly what it is that you want, to give it validity, and more importantly, to force yourself to actually think about what it is that you truly want.


See…that's the tricky part, isn't it?  Thinking about what you want?  Actually verbalizing or committing it to paper?  So often, we feel as if saying what we want is an incredibly selfish, or self-centered thing to do, like we don't deserve to have it.  The truth is, we make a million of these little decisions every day, from "I would like some coffee in the morning," to, "I don't particularly care for raspberries."  No big deal, right?  As long as you're not harming anyone, you can have your coffee, or not eat raspberries.


So what's the harm in saying how you feel about the bigger things, like, what kind of work you want to do, or, what kind of people you want to hang out with?  Just as you know whether or not coffee or raspberries make you happy, you know what other things bring you joy or don't bring you joy.  You know whether or not hanging around with a closed-minded person feels good to you (and, if it does, I'm guessing that you are close-minded as well.  Mind if I ask what the hell you're doing here?).  You know whether or not you like dancing, or knitting, or playing cards.  You know if you like to sit at a desk all day or if you'd rather dig ditches.  If you pay attention, you know exactly how you feel about…everything.


It is not too much to ask that the people with whom you share your time happen to agree with you about a lot of things, be they your boss or your friends (Family Exclusion!!!  You know…can't pick your family…).  The main thing you should agree upon is how YOU should be treated, and how you will be treating THEM.  You say your girlfriend is mean to you?  Well…do you like that sort of thing?  No?  Then what the hell are you doing?  You say your friend doesn't consider your feelings and says things about you behind your back?  And…you don't like that sort of thing?  Hmmm…


The question becomes, why are you giving so much to these relationships, when all they do is bring you pain?  If you got sick every time you ate raspberries, would you still eat them?  Because that's what happens with people with whom you don't "fit".  You get a little sick.  You probably don't get sick to your stomach, although, in extreme cases, that can happen, but you do get sick—sick to your soul.  You feel bad, and you know that you do.  You can feel it.


What happens with a lot of people, myself included, is that we rush into things without even paying attention to whether or not it's what we really want.  We might buy a car that's a clunker because the salesperson was soooo convincing, or, we might get into a relationship with someone who is not good for us because we were lonely, and convinced that the "bad" person was the only one who would ever ask us out.


The problem is, it takes much more effort to get out of those situations than it does to get into them.  You bought the car, now you have it.  In order to not have it anymore, you have to do something (sell it, wreck it, have it stolen…?), and, you also have to go buy another car.  You bought the cow, uh…married that person, and now, you're figuring out that you don't even like them, or, they don't like you.  Now you have to untangle your lives, which is going to be a very emotional, and probably expensive.




I started writing this post because I've been told to make a list qualities I would like to have in Perfect Man, Exhibit A, at least a million times, and I've never done it, but, out of curiosity, tried that today.  It's not that I expect him to show up all of a sudden, but, I suppose it would be nice to know how to recognize him if he does, right?  Funny thing is, as I was making the list, I discovered that what I wanted to be true about this person were all the same things I wanted to be true about any of the people I would want to spend my time with--whether they were my boss or my friend or my boyfriend.  This is probably true because there was nothing on the list about how much money he makes, or how he has to be so smoking hot that I want to tear his clothes off (well, that's kind of on there...).  It was all about wanting to know if being with them was going to feed my soul (coffee), or make me sick (raspberries).

I chose coffee.

And it's kinda nice to have the option to choose really, really good coffee, I might add.

All in all, an interesting exercise.  Also, since I have completed THAT list, I can mark the list off my to-do list.  List.  Now I can just sit back and watch the fabulous people roll in...


  1. You know, many people never sit down and take the time to give thought to what kind of coffee they really truly want. They just go through life settling for whatever cup of instant or flavored (ack) beans they get served because it is so much easier. Well done.

  2. Love you dear. Thank you for sharing and your erudition.

  3. :-) What is life, if not research?

  4. I have written the Perfect Man List and I didn't write it so I would recognize him when I saw him.

    I wrote it to remind myself of what doesn't qualify.

    Because sometimes we tolerate things in the beginning of a relationship but in the long term, those things should have been deal breakers.

  5. VERY GOOD POINT! And so true...


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