Friday, September 18, 2009

Jokers To The Right

Here at the cube farm, I have some new neighbors.  Three, to be exact, within the last three weeks.  There's my desk, and in each adjacent desk, surrounding me completely, my company has chosen to seat three of the most annoying human beings I have ever encountered.
I'm not saying they're not nice people or anything--maaaaybe I'm just easily annoyed these days (GAH!).
Carrot Stick Guy sits directly behind me.  Crunch!  Chomp-Chomp-Chomp-Chomp-Chomp-Chomp-Chomp-Chomp-Chomp!  The carrot chewing is quite vigorous.  Today, he turned down a lunch invitation to a Chinese Place because the Chines Place in question wasn't as good as the Chinese Place he likes.  I believe that the Chinese Place Snobbery is just a front--he really stayed behind for the sole purpose of annoying the living sh*t out of me by eating a pound of carrot sticks and nothing else.
How about a cheese sandwich or something?  Soup, maybe?
Smarmy Sales Guy is behind and to the right, and he's one of those that makes incredibly lame jokes of the Vanilla White variety--kind of like a Lutheran Pastor, only not nearly as interesting or well-read.  Everything about him screams "Former Jock" or "Peaked In High School."  You take one look at him and think, "Don't you need a personality to sell things?"  As near as I can tell, the only thing Smarmy gets excited about is a free lunch.
On the other side, Mini-Smarm, who is like a younger version of Smarmy, spends the day on the phone dropping lame, maybe it was cool for 12 seconds in the late 90's, lingo, all the while tossing a softball up in the air and catching it.  You know what?  I'm somebody's Mom, OK?  I have an automatic response when I see somebody throwing a ball indoors.  It's bad enough having to listen to you SPEAK all day...
The MP3 player is heavily employed, just to get through the day without strangling someone.
All of those that sat at these desks before, I loved to pieces--somehow, they were able to have conversations and lunch without making me want to crawl out of my skin.  These guys?  They make me want to start ice cold Sambuca shots at around 10AM, just to take the edge off.  Where's my martini shaker?

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