Monday, March 7, 2011

Wake Me Up When September Ends

So, I have this blog visitor who keeps reading the archive from September, 2008. 
Same dumb month, again and again. 
Me being me, I have, of course, poured over that archive 600 times to ensure there is nothing awful, or anything for which I may be sued, that I wrote about that month...and other than the usual it's-only-funny-for-about-ninety-seconds humor, and semi-lame attempts at deep thinking, it's not terribly embarrassing.
What an entire lifetime ago that was!  So bizarre.  The month started with me working a temp job at an insurance company (a company that laid off ALL of their temps about 2 weeks after I left there, by the way, so, Yay me for leaving...), continued through some election commentary and a couple of drunken nights out, then ended with me looking back at how far I've come....kinda like I'm doing right now.
I'm a one-trick pony if ever there was one.
I make a lot of statements indicating that I might know a thing or two, or that I may have figured something out.  I don't, and I haven't.  Not really.  Like everyone else in the world, the older I get and the more I see, the less I know.  Ask me about the things I was so sure of back in September 2008.  Most of those things are no longer true.
In September 2008, I wrote this line:  "Desire…what a wonderful and terrible thing. To want something so badly that you refuse to believe it can never be. It makes you see things that are not there."  And this: "I know tomorrow I will be less sad, and the next day, even less. Eventually, it will feel as if it never affected me. Ever the clown."  I stand corrected:  As it happens, both of those things ARE true. 
That is not to say that September 2008 was any better than March 2011, just that two and a half years later, I can apparently reach the same conclusion without having to cry my eyes out, first.  Is this progress, or was I more interesting as a complete wreck?

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