I Am Not Supposed To Be Writing This...

Neither of the kids were home last night, since they both had sleep-overs, and I had a total bachelor wake-up this morning--I was on the couch, fully dressed, the TV was on, lights were on, and there was a fast food bag on the floor next to me. This might not have seemed terribly unusual if I had tied one on last night, but as it happens, the strongest thing I had to drink was a diet cola, half of which was also sitting on the floor next to me.

Add to that the fact that I was waking from a dream in which I woke up next to someone delicious and we were talking (in the dream) about how wonderful it was waking up next to each other, and you have all the makings of a disappointing morning.

I'm not terribly panicked about not waking up next to Mr. Delicious today, but it occurs to me that in a few short years, teenage daughters will be vacating the premises, and when that happens, I need to be a very careful that I don't turn into a complete slug.

Apparently, with no one around for me to take care of, I just don't give a crap about anything...don't cook, don't clean up, don't even move. Not even enough motivation to put on my jammies...

On the other hand, I can justify this whole thing by saying that I work very hard and at the end of the day, when exhaustion hits me, I don't fight it, and I don't need to give in to the formalities of going to some designated sleeping chamber and changing into the appropriate outfit.. From the hours of 5:30AM to 10PM, I'm hustling. The sleep is earned. It's a very primal thing--think of a caveman just trying to stay alive from day to day, hunting, gathering, running away from things that might kill him...it's exhausting. You need some sleep. But cavemen didn't have sleep sanctuaries like we do, and also, no super-cute pajama short/tank combos. They just found a safe spot and slept where they landed, in whatever clothes they were (or weren't) wearing.

I will try to rein myself in from the Grand Mind Wander, where I ruminate about how weird and sad it is that humanity has come to this--a succession of thousands of years of "supposed to's" designed to separate us from the animals, and all we get out of it is a bunch of reasons to feel bad about ourselves. I mean...I woke up feeling bad because I was tired and fell asleep. How fucked up is that?

OK...I really don't want to rein myself in on the Grand Mind Wander. What really separates us from the "animals"? Not much. Other animals wake up, go about their business, work to keep and defend their shelter, and fight for survival just like we do. They do some strange and delightful things to attract mates, just like we do. They eat when hungry, and sleep when tired.

I want to free myself from a thousand "supposed to's", mainly because the "supposed to's" are different from person to person--for example, there are those who don't think people of the same sex (or different race) are "supposed to" be attracted to each other, and to me, that particular "supposed to" is complete bullshit. Duh. There are also people who believe that they are "supposed to" make a certain amount of money to be happy, or they are "supposed to" have children, or they are "supposed to" drive a particular type of vehicle or live in a particular neighborhood, or eat only one particular kind of potato salad (!!!), or fix their hair in a certain way, or wear a particular type of clothes. It's all bullshit. What separates us from the animals? The fact that some of us don't think it's bullshit.

Why do we limit ourselves in this way? It would seem the height of stupidity. Plenty of people (lots and lots of people--pretty much EVERYBODY) live differently than we do, and still have perfectly wonderful human experiences. It is only the fact that we are incredibly judgmental that makes us believe otherwise, and it is definitely worse when we turn that judgement on ourselves, for no good reason. If we are not harming anyone, then we should not be so fearful that we're not doing something the way it is "supposed to " be done. There are no rules, save for "Be Excellent To Each Other".

And now that I have rid myself of the "supposed to's" of the day, I'm going to get on the the business of being excellent, to myself and to others. Let us all have a SAFE and beautiful weekend, filled with loved ones and future good memories, and also remembrance of those who sacrificed to allow us this incredible luxury. This country is like no other place on the planet--founded by people who felt differently from the "supposed to's" of the time. Let us never forget this.