I had written the saddest, sobbiest, "I'm so effing miserable", "Goodbye cruel world" post, ever.
And I pushed "send".
Then I went to Blogger, to take the extra step to disallow any "buck up, little camper" comments on the thing. Because I was so determined to stay miserable.
Well, actually, I wanted to block the "quit yer whinin'" and "What a loser" comments. Either/Or. (My misery must not be questioned! For it is the most miserable misery of all time! It is not open for discussion!)
Then I noticed that for some reason, the formatting was all messed up on the post, and half of the paragraphs ran together and half of it was in a different font and font size than the other half. So I started to fix it (Oh, HTML....what joy you bring).
So driven, was I, to preserve the misery in it's intended, I Hope You All Cry Like I'm Crying, You Bastards! form, that I pulled it off the published list, and began the piddly process of going through the thing line by line (Dear Blogger: Please add Find/Replace. Thank you.)
Then I couldn't get it to work.
But not to worry! The tear-soaked manifesto was all in one piece, right there in the Sent box of my gmail! I know! I'll just copy and paste it!
Aaaand then I couldn't get THAT to work.
So I took a break.
While I was outside, smoking, I logged on to Facebook on my phone, and what was the first thing I saw?
Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.
And it suddenly occurred to me why this thing was being such a pain, and why it would never be published.. First of all, don't worry, it wasn't a suicide note or anything--really more of a Greta Garbo, "I want to be alone" statement. Because I was miserable. Truth be told, I'm not UN-miserable now, I just realized that Miserable + Whiny = Blech
There is a fair amount of "Fake it til you make it" going on in any happy person. You have to convince yourself, first, that you're going to have a good attitude whenever possible, This morning, a good attitude was the last thing I wanted to have. I don't particularly want to have a good one now, either. I mean, you don't go from sobbing directly to "Yay Wednesday!". But you CAN go from sobbing to "I think I'll stop sobbing now". It's a start.