Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I Was Veering Dangerously Close To Pitiful, But I Snapped Out Of It Due To A Technical Error

I had written the saddest, sobbiest, "I'm so effing miserable", "Goodbye cruel world" post, ever.

And I pushed "send".

Then I went to Blogger, to take the extra step to disallow any "buck up, little camper" comments on the thing. Because I was so determined to stay miserable.

Well, actually, I wanted to block the "quit yer whinin'" and "What a loser" comments. Either/Or. (My misery must not be questioned! For it is the most miserable misery of all time! It is not open for discussion!)

Then I noticed that for some reason, the formatting was all messed up on the post, and half of the paragraphs ran together and half of it was in a different font and font size than the other half. So I started to fix it (Oh, HTML....what joy you bring).

So driven, was I, to preserve the misery in it's intended, I Hope You All Cry Like I'm Crying, You Bastards! form, that I pulled it off the published list, and began the piddly process of going through the thing line by line (Dear Blogger: Please add Find/Replace. Thank you.)

Then I couldn't get it to work.

But not to worry! The tear-soaked manifesto was all in one piece, right there in the Sent box of my gmail! I know! I'll just copy and paste it!

Aaaand then I couldn't get THAT to work.

So I took a break.

While I was outside, smoking, I logged on to Facebook on my phone, and what was the first thing I saw?

Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.

And it suddenly occurred to me why this thing was being such a pain, and why it would never be published.. First of all, don't worry, it wasn't a suicide note or anything--really more of a Greta Garbo, "I want to be alone" statement. Because I was miserable. Truth be told, I'm not UN-miserable now, I just realized that Miserable + Whiny = Blech

There is a fair amount of "Fake it til you make it" going on in any happy person. You have to convince yourself, first, that you're going to have a good attitude whenever possible, This morning, a good attitude was the last thing I wanted to have. I don't particularly want to have a good one now, either. I mean, you don't go from sobbing directly to "Yay Wednesday!". But you CAN go from sobbing to "I think I'll stop sobbing now". It's a start.


  1. I sometimes get as far as, "It is possible for me to contemplate that I *could* think about stopping sobbing." Really really looking forward to 2010.....

    Yay me!! Queen of decisiveness!!

    Have the day you are going to have, Shel and family.....

  2. I think going from "God, I'm such a freaking loser/idiot" to "You have to accept that some men just like to mess with you because they CAN" was a step in the right direction.

    Get it off me, in other words...LOL It burns!!!

    But anyway...

    Have a wonderful whatever it is that you are having, IDB. :-)

    Here's to 2010. 2009 was El Sucko.


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