Sunday, May 2, 2010

Apparently I'm A Good Writer

Did I ever tell you about the time I was watching the American Music Awards and Madonna was on there and she was talking about Michael Jackson and she said some things that I thought sounded oddly familiar, so I went back in my archives to June 2009 and low and behold, that bitch stole my lines?

So nice to be tapped in to the better way of thinking.  What I mean by that is, I like Madonna, and when I say "that bitch stole my lines" it's not like I'm on the phone to a lawyer or anything--she made a barely memorable speech on the show that not a lot of people seem to care about that much anymore, BUT, all of the things she said were excellent.  (Of course they were!  That bitch stole my lines!)  The thing that makes me a little impressed with myself (and also makes me question the sanity of doing all of this writing for free) is, Madonna actually knew Michael Jackson, and obviously I did not, so the fact that I was able to take a stab in the dark and guess some things and come to the same conclusion as somebody with intimate knowledge of the situation is pretty damn good.

Yay me.

So that kind of "stealing", I don't mind.  It's really just another of those smirking, useless "I was right" moments that can never be proven or really even shared--you think yourself a little cooler than you actually are and try to remind yourself not to turn into one of those raving loonies that tries to make a name for themselves by asserting that "that bitch stole my lines" to anyone who will listen.

But the other kind of stealing...the kind where somebody takes your words and uses them not just for their personal gain but also to put you down?  Well, that's just flat-out bitchy.

Every so often, I commit the unforgivable sin of writing a grouchy email to someone who has pissed me off and then I hit "send" and the whole world tumbles around for a couple of days while I re-read what I wrote and think, "OK, how is this going to get me into trouble?"  

I did that exact thing on Thursday, as a matter of fact.  Yay me.

To me, those types of things are really just another blog post and I don't really do them if I have something to lose, I just feel the need to say, "Hey, you--yeah, you--the one being an absolute c-word.  Knock it off, you fucking psycho." Only, I don't actually use the c-word or even the f-word.  It's all a very carefully crafted "You are an awful person" which I cc all of the people who are my boss and/or their boss because I don't want someone claiming I said something that I didn't say--I want the proof to be out there.  Also, I stand by what I say and I sign my name to it, so, there are no secrets when something bothers me enough to take an action.  I'm not trying to beat somebody up in a back alley and claim I didn't do it--it's a public flogging all the way.  

Like that time I got my kid's middle school choir director fired.

I have nothing less than absolute faith in the power of the written word, and I have tremendous faith in my ability to change things by using the right words.  I do it all the time.  Like that time I got my kid's middle school choir director fired.  But ANYWAY...

Thursday, flinging virtual mud, Friday, she flings some back, later Friday, I fling a bigger gob of virtual mud and then somebody's boss gets involved and the party is over, but what happened was, when higher ups were questioning the effing psycho about what the hell she was doing, how did she justify herself?  She LIFTED lines from my bitchy emails and claimed the moral high ground!!

Damn!  That is cold!  HA!

But not to worry, as I said, I did CC all of the important people,so, they know all of her deep thinking was ghost written.  But pretty ballsy, right?  Good thing I have a sense of humor.

So let's review:  Two people coming to the same or similar conclusion at the same time?  Good.  One person coming to a conclusion and another person only agreeing with that conclusion when their ass is on the line?  Bad.  Any questions?


  1. So maybe Madge is the one reading through all of your archives to find her next great ideas?

  2. HA! Well unless she moved to Washington state, it probably wasn't her...


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