Monday, May 24, 2010

Before My Whining Permit Is Rescinded

There are those mornings when you wake up gripping a pillow, making a face and muttering "Oh G*d..." and a few other profanities through gritted teeth, while you lay there,  unable to move.
This would be considered a good start to my day if I wasn't sleeping alone....
...but I guess it proves that who ever said there was a fine line between pleasure and pain was absolutely correct.
Just as pleasure colors your entire day, so does pain.  If you wake up the right way (muttering profanities through gritted teeth), you're in a good mood all day.  Just sayin'.
I've made an art form of ignoring physical pain--you know, ala Jesse Ventura, "I ain't got time to bleed"?  Comes down to a choice, really.  Are you going to get up and on with your life, or lie around?  I know that there are occasions in which I have gone over the top on the "I'm FINE!" thing and get a bit martyr-y, but honestly, if I made a big deal out of every time I felt discomfort, the way some people do, it would be all that I talk about.  That's the funny thing about spines and spinal fluid--when they don't do what they are designed to do, something is going to feel less than optimum, most days.  My this hurts or my that hurts--hell, it's always something, but, I just don't have time for this crap.  I really don't.  And on the days when pain insists that I make the time, it pisses me off.
Today is colored by a rather insistent pain.  More insistent than my cat demanding to be fed at 5AM.  It started Friday, moved through Saturday, had me on my ass on Sunday and today, in lieu of vicodin, I'm trying to beat it back with a stick.  I think it might be rather blissful to have a petite Filipino woman walking on my back right now, but alas, I'm fresh out.  I wonder where one would find such a thing in Minneapolis? 
Wait...don't answer that.
The worst thing, or maybe it's the best thing, about having any kind of enduring pain is that everyone else's lame excuses become extremely annoying:  "What's that?  You say you're tired?  Tired?  Seriously?  Big Effing Deal...I can barely walk to the kitchen right now, so unless you just got done running a marathon, shut the hell up."  Every time my phone rings, I look at it, see who is calling and depending on the level of lame excuses I've heard from them lately, think "Screw you," and don't answer, because I know they're just calling to bitch about their pain-free lives.  So stupid.  I can't even listen to their voice mails without getting pissed off.
And....I really don't want to become one of those bitter, angry people, which is why I usually just ignore whatever is bugging my body.  I guess I feel like I'll be the better person if I lie and tell you that I'm not in pain than I would be if I told you I was.  Then again, everybody else is doing it, so why not?  When not being a whiner stops serving me well, why not go completely in the other direction?
Blech...that is all.  Oh, and if anyone can recommend a petite Filipino woman who wouldn't mind walking on my back for a half hour, please let me know.  Or, if you can hook me up with that other, better way to wake up....

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