...but I have taken on the role of helpless female.
Mind you, this is the exact opposite of what I'm like in real life. In real life, I am an intelligent, competent, independent, competitive, madly motivated, and hard-working person.
Those qualities are no longer called for. Crap...I just spent the last 30 years perfecting them.
What I have to do now is something that I have never been good at, which is to Scarlett O'Hara myself out to some benefactor. I'm stuck, y'all. Stuck. My boss makes my work life a hell, and the only solution offered to me by HR and my boss's boss is, "Maybe you should find some other job" and/or "If you want to find something else, we won't try to stop you."
No love at all. Not a bit.
All that stuff I have been doing all these years that has brought me only good things at work, is the direct opposite of what this situation calls for. This situation calls for Pretend You're Stupid and Ask The Big Strong Bossy-Poo To Help Silly Little You Navigate This Scary Employment Thing. Because God knows the fact that I have been perfectly capable of holding my own all these years is not evidence enough of my capabilities....no, no. I'm just some dumb girl.
Vomit.
I've never been the giggly, girly-girl, flirt with men and get them to do things for me, type. Some women are good at extracting goods and services from guys, but that's not a skill I ever developed. I was the stupid one going through life saying, "I don't need you, or your money." I was the idiot, out there doing it for myself.
What happens when you do that, by the way, is that you end up doing it for yourself. You end up doing everything for yourself. You end up raising your kids by yourself and you end up paying the rent and all the bills by yourself, dealing with the auto-mechanic by yourself, taking the trash out by yourself, and also sleeping by yourself.
In other words, there are times when it really sucks to believe in yourself. There are times when life beats the living hell out of you for it.
I would say that it's not worth getting down about, and that you should stick to your guns no matter what. People who don't see the value in you are not worth getting upset about.
I would say that.
OK, I DO say that. Fuck 'em.
But think about it this way...those flirty girls who have that knack for extracting things from men--they are no less capable than me. They're just smarter about different things than I am. It's a con job, letting men think that a woman can't function without their help--it's a lie. I used to wonder what would make a woman want to lie like that, and I used to think they were lazy for not "doing it for themselves". Now I see that those women are significantly more powerful than me, and can topple men who would use their power to keep a woman down.
Frankly, I want some of that. I want to come out on top in this situation, and pretending that my boss is NOT a moronic douche-bag is the the only tactic left in my bag of tricks. I have to lie about my own capabilities and his, because my capabilities hold no value to the person standing between me and success, and that person's lack of managerial skills is of no interest to his superiors.
Thank you, Corporate America for making me a lying whore. I promise you, I will never forget it.
