Just realized that SATURDAY is the last time I wrote anything, and that I didn't actually write anything. DOH!
Today, I decided that I am changing my last name to...."Slorb". No reason, it's just the muckiest last name I've ever heard that was real.
Sunday, I came thisclose to forgetting my mother's birthday, but you know how those things go--you're in the kitchen, thinking about what to cook, and invariably (for me, anyway) you get a flash of inspiration that is something your mother used to make, and in my case, on Sunday, that flash was followed immediately by an "OH F*CK!" and I put off cooking for an hour while I called my mother. We ate dinner at 8:30. How very metropolitan of us.
Last night, while I was sitting on the stoop, a woman walked by in a little black dress and high heels, holding two Styrofoam take-out boxes. She stopped directly in front of me, bent to remove the high heels, said "Hi There", and was then on her way.
Later in the evening, a gentleman named Scotty pulled up on his bike, proceeded to flip the bike over and advised that if he spun his front wheel, it would keep going for eleven minutes. During the eleven minutes (yes, it actually did keep going for eleven minutes), he bummed a smoke and smoked it, gave us a history lesson about the street cars that used to run on our street, and then did magic tricks with coins. Interesting fellow, Scotty. Wonder what he's like when he's sober? Probably not nearly so much fun...
The only thing I want in the whole wide world right now? Potato chips. More than sex, more than universal health care, more than a million dollars, right now, I want freaking potato chips, and I'm counting the minutes until I can bust out of here and go get some. I'm not obsessive--I don't know what you are talking about. You see....without a serious drug habit or drinking problem, I have the luxury of jonesing for random shit like potato chips. For which I would kill, right now. Instead of potato chips, what am I eating? How am I keeping myself from killing those around me? Full fat plain yogurt, into which I have dumped a sweetened orange, single-serve drink packet. Psychotic cravings require psychotic stavings. T minus 35 minutes until potato chips.
There is a wave of crazy coming, I can just feel it. For the rest of August, and perhaps all of September, expect nonsensical blabbering. I may have to keep you out of the loop on a few things, but promise we'll catch up later...WEEEEEEE!