In Case There Is Any Question

About whether or not I have the very BEST children in the world...

 

The girls are on Spring Break this week, so they are home all day while I'm off slaying the dragons.  When I got home from work last night, I discovered that not only had they cleaned the entire apartment (except their rooms, but hey, they have all week...) but they had also set the table and cooked a delicious and nutritious dinner, which was waiting for me when I walked in the door.

 

 

They were rewarded after dinner with copious amounts of ice cream and candy.  And chocolate chip frozen waffles.

 

 

 

I promise, at least for this week, to stop worrying about whether or not I'm doing this parenting thing right.

People Behaving Badly In Restaurants...For Fun

Usually, when one of my daughters says, "Mom! Take a picture!" it means that she has dressed the cat in MC Hammer pants and a muscle shirt or something, and wants to record the moment.

But The Diva is the queen of the interesting shot. She is an artist, and, this stuff is fun for her. The last time we were out at the local salad bar place, she started dumping salt on the tray. I gave her The Look, but she assured me this was going to be good, and eventually said, "OK, take a picture." Here is what you get:

Child snorting...something.

My God, I love the way her mind works. That's good humor, people....

This shot is similar to the Thanksgiving photo of years ago, when she washed out a wine bottle, filled it with water, said "Take a picture" then proceeded to chug it down. I did not send the picture of the 9 year old chugging "wine" from the bottle to my mother. She has a pretty good sense of humor, but I'm not sure how she would take it.


Speaking of chugging from the bottle...I went to dinner with a couple of girlfriends on Saturday, and when we finally decided on a wine, we ended up with a bottle as big as....as big as.....

As big as Sarah's purse.

For those of you who have never met Sarah, let me assure you that you could lose a toddler in her purse.

After we poured, we were continuing to marvel at the gigantic bottle of wine, and, in honor of The Diva, I told Sarah to take a slug of it, and I would take a picture, of the gigantic bottle of wine. She stopped short of actually drinking...damn! But, we had fun anyway.

Our Lady Of The Large Purse

Oh! And since we were at Buca, and there are all sorts of nude paintings on the wall, my other friend spent half the night obsessing over the fact that there were "penises EVERYWHERE!" I tried to snap a picture of one of the offending articles, so I could email it to her, but by that time we had consumed the entire bottle of wine, and I was laughing my ass off, so the photo came out super-blurry.

I won't post the results, because I feel very strongly that if you're going to be looking at a penis, you should be focused. And that' all I'm gonna say about that...

Very Scary, Bordering On Evil

I did another one of those Evil Girl Trick things yesterday. 

 

I panicked, OK?

 

 

 

I was at work, and some stupid crap was happening and it was stressing me out.  As it happened, my most useful advocate, the person I NEEDED on my side, happened to be a male, so I put on my helpless female mask and sobbed my way through a few gut-wrenching emails to get him to do what I wanted.

 

 

So evil.  So very, very evil.

 

 

Even though it was not an in-person conversation, the man reacted the way most men would react to a crying woman:  "WHAT HAPPENED???  Are you OK?  Can I beat somebody up for you?"

 

 

And my answer was so incredibly sad....so drenched in melancholy, that it came out sounding something like this:  "Well...(sniff-sniff)...yes, you can do something for me, (voice trembling)...but....if you're not able to...(sniff-sniff)....it's OK...(*LOUD SOB*)...I understand...(burst into tears)."

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

And of course he did exact what I wanted him to do.

 

 

Jeezuz that's bad.  Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad....I'm going straight to hell...