Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Evil Walks

So-And-So was supposed to call and they didn't. 


I dropped immediately into this, "Well, I'll just make myself too damn busy to take their call, if that's the way they want to play it" mood and dug in.  My logical mind said, "Maybe So-And-So has a reasonable excuse," but emotionally, I stubbornly went on the defensive, assuming that So-And-So was avoiding me. 

Cuz that is so much better than just not worrying about it.

Since it was work-related, my logical mind told me to call him and see what was up.  Trust me, if So-And-So was some cute boy I had the hots for, who said he was going to call me and didn't, I wouldn't have called.  In fact, I would have made myself so scarce that Hard To Get would look like a stroll down Easy Street.  Yeah, that'll teach 'em not to fucking call me...

I've spent a large amount of my life in the business of promotion, marketing, and sales.  I know you have to have thick skin.  I don't have this, but apparently, I can fake it pretty well, when it comes to work.  I called.

I got his voicemail.  Thank God.

Me, talking: (Big Smile) Hi So-And-So!  It's Shelly!  I was just calling about That Thing...
Me, in my head:  (Bitchy) That Thing that you SAID you were going to call me about last week, you Effing Prick Who Doesn't Call When They Say They're Going To Call...
Me, talking:  (Still Smiling!  Casual!  Smiling!) My phone number is (blah-blah-blah) And...I just wanted to check the status of That Thing and thank you so much for meeting with me about That Thing last week!  K, Bye!

You know what I'm talking about, right?  No pitch, no pressure, just...pretending that The Thing is no big deal, when the reality is that The Thing is a huge deal, and getting it could make or break you in your little geek world of the workplace? 

Yes, I'm guilty.  That phone call was a total girl trick--shaking my little tail and walking away while looking over my shoulder.  I might be evil.

The non-work equivalent would be to dress up and show up where the Cute Guy Who Didn't Call You hangs out, then spend the entire night ignoring him to see if he is actually curious enough to approach you.  Sometimes they are, sometimes they aren't.  But at least you'll know one way or the other--Its the only, truly effective way to find out.

Because I was now incredibly nervous and freaked about So-And-So not calling, I pitched The Thing to a bunch of other people that I didn't care about.  I mean...I gotta bring something to the table, even if it is just leftovers, right?.  And if he does call, I can bat my eyes, play the victim and inform him that it is he that truly I love, but, what's a girl to do out here in the big scary world with no deal?  I had no choice but to seek shelter elsewhere...please, please, take me away from these other people that I don't care about!  There is only YOU, my darling!  Only you!

And...that would also appear to be somewhat evil.

I can't believe that after openly declaring my distaste for naked sales tactics for so many years that I actually ended up being good at them.  I have lived and/or worked with sales people since I was 18, all the while saying, "OK, guys, that's YOUR thing, leave me out of it..." until the day my (soon to be ex) husband, a sales person, accused me of being manipulative--it kind of reminded me of that commercial where the kid gets caught smoking pot and tells his dad, "I learned it from you!"  His kids were able to sell him on things that I thought were just obscene, but, hey, they were way better at selling than I was, so, they got what they wanted while stood by in amazement, scratching for crumbs.

Sure, I learned it as a base survival tactic, but I'm glad I did, and I promise to use my powers for good.  Except for So-And-So.  He's Toast.

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