Monday, October 10, 2011


Weird doings over the weekend.  One of my high school classmates that I don't see regularly (haven't seen for years), but talk to sometimes on Facebook, told me (via internet chat) that he had feelings for me, that he has had dreams about me (he didn't describe the dreams but hinted they were of illicit nature...) and that he has pictured us together.
I started off with "It's never gonna happen," figuring that would be enough.  I mean, in a normal situation, you would think a firm, "no thanks" would do, right?
Oh, gosh no...he kept going.
After a couple of "I don't feel that way about you" style comments from me, and a final, "hey, don't worry about it, just, please for the love of all that is right and holy, stop talking," he finally stopped.
And he was mortified.  Said he wished he had never told me, etc. weekend was super uncomfortable.  You?
I've been on the other side of that coin--I've confessed feelings for someone who didn't feel the same.  Do I regret it?  Absolutely not.  It was actually one of the best things I've ever done.  It needed to be done--you MUST do these things, because your life gets all mucked up and stalled in those areas if you have that roadblock of feelings just sitting there, not being received by anyone.  You need to put that energy to work on something good, not just save it up for the day when that person might start to care.
What is truly weird, to me, anyway, is knowing as I do that this person's values are so dramatically different from mine--I mean I know where he's from, I know what it's like there, and I know he's never left there--If I had pretended to want to give it a go and asked who he voted for in the last election, or how he feels about gay people, or when's the last time he used the N word, instead of just saying I wasn't interested, probably the conversation would have ended with him thinking I'm a hideous liberal pinko commie and WOW did he just dodge a bullet or what? 
Instead, he was embarrassed.
Which is better?  Neither.
But the whole thing made me wonder:  How could anyone know me, or claim to know me even a little, or claim to be attracted to me, and not take my core values into consideration?  Do I hide them so well that he just didn't notice?  I mean, I've posted plenty of "M*chele B*chmann is a dipshit" links on FB--it should be fairly obvious to anyone with whom I've reconnected there.  I am a long time supporter of gay marriage and have made no attempt to hide that fact.  Do people just choose to ignore that and assume that my being nice to them is the same as my agreeing with them? isn't.
I'm just nice because I'm nice, that's all.  I'm nice and I'm also very serious about people being treated fairly in this country.  Why can't I be both?  I mean was that just some wildly sexist thing that just happened, where this person, who is a conservative, could see my values pasted on the internet for all to see and think, "oh, she's just being a silly girl who doesn't know any better..." and hit on me like I should drop everything and move back to the small town?  Was THAT what that was?
As much as might I think, wow, I should be flattered that someone thinks of me and wants to be with me, I see now that it's not so flattering after all.  Not always.  Certainly not in this case, anyway.  It wasn't me he was dreaming about, anyway.

1 comment:

  1. Nailed it perfectly in your last sentence, Shel......


Comments are loosely monitored by lazy blog owner.