Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Snark Is Always On The Calendar

Do you know what I did yesterday that was good? 
I mailed my Netflix movies back. 
I know that doesn't sound like such a big deal, and maybe to some people it isn't. 
(insert moaning, aching, oh-my-gawd-the-drama sound)
Mailing movies back has become the biggest of the big deals, ever.  I blame myself.  We get a couple movies, maybe watch one right away, but not everybody is home, so they ask to hang on to it for a bit longer so they can watch it sometime on the weekend, then the next thing you know, 6 weekends have gone by and we've had the movies so long we forgot all about them until I notice them while dusting** and declare THESE WILL BE MAILED BY TOMORROW, SO WATCH THEM NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE!
7 times out of 10, I end up watching them alone because the children are just not in the mood to watch movies at the same time I'm in the mood to purge myself of month old rentals, and may I just say right now that I am so glad that they were not in the mood to watch Love And Other Drugs last night, because holy shit there's a lot of ass in that movie.  Not that I mind my almost-grown teenagers seeing adultish situations in movies, but I'm sure we would have all been squirming at the sheer level of OH-MY-GOD-THERE'S-HIS/HER-ASS/TITS-AGAIN.
(Movie advertising is funny, isn't it?  That one gave all the signs of being a semi-light-hearted love story, which I think it was in the end, but everything leading up to the last 20 minutes was fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck...)
I once again made a big show of walking to the corner mail box at 9PM to deposit two movies (the other was Inception, which did not produce any squirming at all...) that I'd been sitting on for a month and a half.  Will I do any better with the next two that are coming in the mail this week?  Hell, I don't know...
My ex used to say that if it's not in the day-timer, it isn't happening, and, this is what it's come to.  My entertainment is now on a calendar.  How very spontaneous of me.  I have to set a reminder on my phone to watch movies before I stop being excited about them being in the house.  Enter Lamesville.
I'll put the "Enjoy your Netflix movies!" notation right next to the "Take out the recycling, stupid!" reminder on my calendar.  Perhaps I can find a special ring-tone for that alarm-the 20th Century Fox fanfare comes to mind.  I'm sure I'll have better luck getting the children to participate in movie night than I do getting them to help with the recycling.
**HA!  That's a funny.  Did you catch that?  For dramatic purposes, I pretended that I actually dust.


  1. next time you dust... will you also vacuum?

    I'm so pathetic now I actually note in my calendar when I'm supposed to be exercising.

  2. Some friends of mine, noting my almost famous reluctance for purchasing anything called "Swiffer", bought some of them for the children. They got the duster, the mop, extra dusting thingies and bottles of floor crap--the whole shooting match. For the chlidren, dusting is play time because of the stupid Swiffers. I don't want to horn in on their fun. See how nice I am?

    They also vacuum more than I do, but, we only have one rug in the whole house, so, that's not a big deal. I vacuumed it last weekend and got strange looks from everyone.

    As long as you're not putting your "marital time" on a calendar, I think you're OK...


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