Monday, June 27, 2011

Seriously, Universe?

I pride myself in being someone who never asks anyone for anything--I'm not a leech or a hanger-on or any of that. I make my own money and pay my own bills and probably if I keep talking about my singular awesomeness much longer I'll start singing Beyonce and/or Destiny's Child songs and I think we all know how quickly that will clear the room.

When the time comes where I do have to ask for something from a person, I make sure that it's a small something and I make sure that I do all the leg work and that the person I'm asking just needs to do one small part of it that I can't personally do--for example, if I'm applying for a job and need someone other than me to put in a good word about me. As much as I would love to be able to do that myself, I really can't. And I do try to make it worth their while. Shooting for a win-win, always.

You should know that at this very moment I am thinking of ways to disguise my voice and be my own reference...I would do that for me, because I freaking LOVE me. I'm my guy. I'll do whatever I ask, no problem. This I say after my boss was supposedly going to put in a good word for me, once, and ended up convincing a hiring manager that I wasn't qualified for the job I was applying for.

Although, come to think of it, I don't think I have nearly enough insincerity in my voice to pass for my boss, but if it came right down to it, for me, I'd do it.


The girls and I are taking a short trip out of town for a family reunion. We have two cats, and I didn't want to leave them entirely to fend for themselves for the duration of the trip, so I thought I would see if someone would check in on them, as in, maybe someone could come over, check their food and water levels, refill as needed, love up the kittehs, make sure the house hasn't blown over and/or been robbed, and then leave again. No big deal. I figured all of 15 minutes each visit, two visits, tops. Lest anyone should think, "yeah, but pet sitting is still a hassle," please know that I was also planning to pay for this 30 minutes of work, and pay what would amount to a pretty hefty hourly wage to the person who stepped up.

And...NOBODY stepped up.

For real.

I mean, people with other plans, I get that, and I wouldn't fault anyone who was on the way to the lake cabin or whatever, but...not taking what amounts to free money because you'd rather sit on your couch? Seriously?

I had one person who led me to believe that she would do it but when I texted her yesterday to ask when I could get her the keys, she gave me one of those, "Yeah, I meant to tell you..." lines and proceeded to tell me how it would be "too difficult" for her, even though she is an able bodied grown up with two functioning automobiles who has no other plans during that time, who's workplace is within 5 blocks of my house.

And to think I had asked her specifically because I know she's hurting for cash right now and I thought that would be an easy and dignified way for me to help HER.


I guess we know why she's hurting for cash right now, huh?

So that's my Monday "Why?" of the day. Why would you not say "yes" to a simple thing in which all the legwork has been done, and everybody benefits? Is it so hard? When I say that I guess we know why she's hurting for cash right now, it's because I believe that there is a direct connection between your willingness and your results. Are you willing to get up and do something? If so, great! Here's your reward. It really is just that simple, and it applies to literally everything in life.

I expect that somewhere in the middle of my trip, when it's too late for her to do anything about it, my financially challenged friend will text me to ask if I found someone to watch the boys while we're gone. I've been rehearsing my responses, which currently vary from Straight Up Guilt Trip all the way to the Big "Screw You". Some of the responses are wordy and some are just "whatever...". I guess when you are disappointed, you want the people who caused the disappointment to feel bad, too. That's normal.

Rest assured, no matter what I tell her, I'll leave out the part about how my other friends, who live way far away from me and don't need the money, agreed to stop by in exchange for me picking up a bar tab, which, remarkably, is a lot cheaper than what I was going to pay her. That's what you call a win-win-win-win. My cats get a babysitter, I get to leave without worry, I get to guilt the hell out of someone and we all end up at Happy Hour. Wooo!


  1. You and are are cut from the same cloth. I HATE HATE HATE asking people for anything.


    And a couple weeks ago when I was planning a very last minute trip out of town, one of my friends suggested that he could dog sit for me. Saving me the hassle and cost of dog sitting. What?!? NO. SILLY! Why would I bother him with that?!?!

    You see not only am I awful at ASKING for help, I am also awful at accepting it.

    So imagine how our next conversation went when I told him that I called the kennel and they were full.

    "Can you pet sit for me?!?!?"

    My god. I make things harder than they need to be sometimes but THANK THE STARS for people like him that will step up to the plate and stay there and never ever rub it in my face.

    Although an "I told you so" might actually do me some good.


  2. Ha! If someone offered me pet sitting services, as long as that person wasn't sketchy, I'd probably say yes--hey, if it's their idea, cool, but I sure HATE to impose! I can't stand it.

    That's why, after years and years of my not asking anyone for anything, it makes me utterly crazy when I do ask for a small thing and people act like I asked them to cut off their left arm and feed it to the big cats at the zoo. It's like, really? Coming from me, just about every "favor" I ask is drenched in rewards--I know this because I hate asking so much that I make sure that it's worth their while!

    *sigh* People...

  3. Shelly, you aren't that far from me when I'm here in Chan, are you? Is this something I could do for you? I am cut from the same cloth as you both. HATE HATE HATE asking for anything. Aren't you on this side of the cities?

    I'm pretty sketchy and all, but as long as I don't have to cut off my arm or anything...

  4. Got it covered, Keri, but thank you! You'd drive all the way from Chan? Good grief...

    OK ladies, I say that now that we are all in our 40's (ahem) that we should start asking for stuff willy-nilly. To hell with it.


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