Saturday, October 8, 2016


Today was monumental in that I put on makeup and nice clothes, did my hair and met someone for lunch. I even wore girl shoes.

I was so fucking excited about being presentable, I took a picture. (That's Henry's butt in the background.)

Wow, I look super stoned.


I wasn't. I just look like that.

The other day my new boss asked me for a photo to put with my bio on some company website and I spent half the day trying not to look wasted in a selfie.

You would think this would be easy to do in the middle of a work day.

Sadly, no.

My eyes don't open, or something. Fuck, I don't know. When I smile they snap shut. "It's cute," people say. Cute that my eyes just completely disappear. Cuuuuuute!

I produced a super dorky, eyes-sort-of-open, glasses on, girl-in-work-mode thing. Then I fixed it in Photoshop because of course I can't stand any pictures of myself.

At least I didn't have to Photoshop 30 pounds off of me like I did with my Maui vacation pics. By the way, I need to go back and take more pictures, now that I'm mostly OK to look at. I'll do a bunch of bad selfies while standing on some cliff's edge, or under a palm tree, and claim the squinting is due to the sun and not the Maui Wowie. Who would know? Honestly, one could assume I've been hitting the jellies while looking at virtually any photo of me showing teeth.

I tried to take an "eyes open AND smiling" pic for this blog to see if I could do it.

"Maniacal," is the word that comes to mind.

Better stick with cute.

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