Feeling A Bit Like Christmas

Last year at about this time, I was just about at the end of my rope. The knot was tied, and I was hanging on for dear life. I'd spent months and months looking for a job, had a few interviews, but no takers, and I was living with friends who, despite their incredible charity, must surely have been getting tired of me by now.

Then, slowly...painfully slowly, things started to happen. Tick, tick, found work. Tick, tick, found an apartment and money to move into the apartment. Then a loooong pause while we did that for a while. Then tick, tick, found a "real" job.

I was sitting outside in the snow this morning and thought about Christmas last year, thought about my children and all that they have been through, and thought about how last year at Christmas, the main gift to all of us was just having our own place to live and how incredibly they both handled "gift season" with such remarkable maturity. There wasn't a lot of stuff from which they could rip wrapping paper last year, and it's difficult to explain to a kid who's friends have everything that just being away from someone who could do them harm is a huge gift. Even I hardly thought that was enough and wished I could do more.

I think, today, what with there being snow on the ground and me thinking of Christmas, that I'll forgive myself for choosing peace over "stuff" last year. It may come to pass that as they get older, my children will recognize what went down here as a good thing, and not a painful memory, but even if they never do, I have, and I am grateful for the opportunities that presented themselves that allowed me to have a choice in the matter. From the friends who said, "just move in with us," even though it caused them hardship, to all of the people and situations I've encountered since then--some or most of which really pissed me off, with my rather legendary impatience.

The universe has made some bold statements this year, about my life and how things are supposed to be for me, and the things I've learned, if you had told me any of this a year ago, I wouldn't have believed you. Remarkable. Incredible. I'm feeling very taken care of today, so, let the snow fly if it must--it's nothing we can't handle.