No Particular Place

Wooot!  Random Wednesday!

• Taught myself Magic Loop.  Don't love it.  I mean, it's OK, but, still a pain in the ass.  Talk to me when I have a finished project.  I wonder if it will be like labor pains, where it sucks, and then the put the baby in your arms and you totally forget how much it sucked?
• Speaking of pain, my everything hurts.  There, I said it.  I feel like a very, very old person.  I fell slipped on the ice on my front steps and fell down them back in January, and after that happened, I had some pain and stiffness.  Not unexpected.  Problem is, IT NEVER WENT AWAY.  Seriously?  What the hell?  I've tried lots of moving around, I've tried no moving at all.  I've even tried my usual method of "pretend it doesn't hurt", which is what you do when you tell yourself you don't really have time for owes.  None of them work.  I've taken more pain relievers in the last three weeks than I did for all of 2009.  I can't even begin to tell you how much I do NOT want to go to my doctor.  Right-side rotator cuff, left hip.  Age 43.  That's just so wrong.  Granted, I have more than the average 43-year-old's amount of arthritis in my body, but still....
• Speaking of my health....the not smoking thing is going OK.  I really, really want to smoke.  I wouldn't mind lighting up right here, right now, sitting at my desk in this climate-controlled and sterile office.  How long has it been since any of us smoked indoors?  Crazy.  Anyway...What is keeping me from smoking?  Nothing but sheer stubbornness, thank you.
• Speaking of my stubbornness...try to act surprised when I tell you that I was unable to maintain my STFU pledge, regarding life at the office.  It was kind of like the day after a forest fire, those first few hours after I had the audacity to stand up and say the things that needed to be said--the devastation.  Nobody was talking, and there was a hell of a mood around here.  But things started to sprout again, and it feels more robust and strong, now.  I take no credit whatsoever.  Shit happens.  Sometimes you just feel called upon to do something, and you know it's the right thing to do, so, you do it, even though there are risks, and even though it sucks for a little while after.  Stephen Sigmund said: "Learn wisdom from the ways of a seedling. A seedling which is never hardened off through stressful situations will never become a strong productive plant."   I don't think of myself as a status quo wrecker.  I don't look for delicate balances to topple, just for fun.  But people should know: it takes more energy to maintain that balance or that status quo than it does to burn the whole damn thing to the ground and let it grow back.  Have the faith to allow it to become something stronger, something better.  Don't pour your heart into the bottomless pit of maintenance.