Pfffffffffffffffffffft!

That's my take on it, anyway.

 

 

Did I ever tell you about the time I got yelled at for sticking my tongue out at somebody?

 

 

You know...of all the bad things I've done (and, believe me, there are many), this one ranks pretty low.  However, I was actually hauled into somebody's office over this, which is why it stands out in my memory.

 

I was at a public appearance of some kind, meetin' and greetin', and some dude came up and started bad-mouthing me.  Like, he actually stood in line for the opportunity to tell me how he didn't like me.  

 

 

Any of you normal people out there ever inspired to do this?  Me neither. 

 

 

Anyway, the guy got done with his little presentation, and turned to walk away, so, of course, the minute his back was turned, I made a face and stuck my tongue out at him, which generated discreet chuckles from all the other people hanging around.  Bless them for their quiet reaction...the guy never even knew it happened.

 

 

But the next day...some semi-middle boss, who witnessed this, went to the big boss and told him what I did.

 

And I actually got in trouble....For sticking my tongue out at some crazy person.

 

 

Welcome to lameness.  I suppose this adds a third rule to The Rules of Public Appearances, which are #1)Always drink the sponsor's beer, and #2)Don't drink so much of the sponsor's beer that they don't invite you back.  Rule Number Three (correctly applied, could actually be useful...) shall be  "Keep your tongue to yourself."

 

 

OK, how about this?  Did I ever tell you about the time I was on the radio and got yelled at* for doing a (bad) impression of Karen Carpenter?  Hehe....yeah, that was a good one.  Well, to be fair, I wasn't trying to sing like Karen, so much as I was, um, attempting to secure some food which I would later barf up.  The joke was two lines long.  The letter a listener sent to my boss to complain about it?  Eight pages.

 

(And I fully admit to having ZERO understanding of anyone who has issues with food, since I love it so much, and I would just like to take this opportunity, right now, before you start writing letters, to say "I'm sorry" to those who can't eat like a ravenous wolf, the way I do.  I'm an idiot.  There.  Feel better?) 

 

There was also the time I mentioned, on the air, that blood banks love me because I'm Type O-Negative, and somehow this was interpreted in a negative way, and....I got yelled at.  To compensate for other people's stupidity (and also prove that they were completely full of shit for thinking I would ever say something bad about donating blood), I donated blood, live on the air.  (Fuckers....where's my cookie and juice, you assholes?)

 

Or, how about the time I made some lame joke (which I don't even remember anymore) and my boss (the big boss) called the studio line to SCREAM at me?

 

 

*sigh*  Good times...

 

 

Today was another of those days--just another in the collection of many, many occasions in which I got yelled at for something totally stupid.  Here is what I want to know:  Does anybody else ever have this problem?  Or is it just me?  Have you ever been disciplined at your job, and walked away thinking, "Was that for real?  Did they actually just YELL at me for that?  Oh.  My.  God!"  Because this happens to me ALL THE TIME.

 

Like, today...I got yelled at because I left a piece of paper on a copier. 

 

 

No, it wasn't a check for a million dollars, or my boss's DWI report, or nude photos.  Just a piece of paper.  It had two names and two addresses on it.  To give you the proper perspective, you should know that I work at an insurance company, and we are charged through our Favorite Law On The Books (Health Information Privacy Act) to keep your information private, meaning, if I were to take that sheet of paper outside of the building and show it to someone, I could be in legitimate trouble.  However, I'm not inclined to do that, especially considering that leaving it on a copier for an hour has generated more drama than an episode of Big Brother.  Meanwhile, if one were to walk through this office, you would note that next to every printer, every copier, and every fax machine, is a pile of papers, and the top paper usually has actual private information printed on it, like, say, social security numbers, or the results of your colonoscopy.

 

I notice nobody ever gets yelled at for that.

 

 

Nope....just me.

 

 

((eye-roll))

 

 

And do you ever notice, that when somebody yells at you for something stupid, that they talk to you as if you ARE stupid?  Condescending?  Like they have to speak slowly because you and your buck-50 IQ could not possibly grasp the concept of "Private Health Information"...?

 

Oh, never mind the 3000 other times you managed to go to the copier and NOT space out and leave your original on the glass!  Now, you are bad!  Bad shirker!  Bad!

 

 

Anyway...that's all the adventure I have for you now--just another day in the battle against Big Stupid.  I'll keep you updated from the front lines.

 

 

 

*and by "yelled at, I mean somebody complained, my boss told me that someone complained, and then he said, "OK, if anyone asks, you've been disciplined."