Sometimes I see a funny/cool thing online and think, “I ❤️ the internet,” and sometimes I see awful/hateful things and think, “I hate the internet.” Today is a ❤️ day on the internet, and let me tell you why:
I woke up this morning to a bunch of Twitter notifications and before I had my first cup of coffee, discovered that a group of people that I do not know were coming to the aid of my friend who has cancer.
I started a fundraiser for Barb a couple of weeks ago because my friend was not able to work and was stuck waiting around for a month before her surgery. At the time, we thought the surgery was going to do most of the heavy lifting getting rid of the cancer.
As we discovered once they had her open, there was a newly formed and inoperable tumor, so, Plan B.
A bit of background: my sister works in cancer research. Her best friend, who is also my friend, is also a cancer researcher, and...by virtue of analyzing things in this way, they have a level of calm about cancer that is probably not shared by most folks. I share that calm, just being close enough to them to get the information in the way they present it. It can seem cold to the casual observer. It's not meant to be, it's just...we see a problem and our brains get to work on the solution. We don't see the word "cancer" and collapse into a puddle, which is the more human thing to do.
When they got the initial diagnosis, Barb and her partner just “lost it”. Perfectly normal to do so. And when Kathy heard the word “inoperable”, yesterday, she lost it again. Perfectly normal.
We all sat with this information marinating over the evening. My researcher friend sent me some stuff in a calm-voiced email, and I was glad to hear that tone...that soothing sound of “OK, here’s what I would do,” coming from an expert that I trust.
And that thing...the immediacy of that information becoming available, was definitely an “ I ❤️ the internet” moment, but it gets better...
My friend is a horror fan. Barb has read every Stephen King , watched endless scary movies with my daughter (who also loves horror), and is mad-addicted to scary TV like The Walking Dead and The Terror. She joined some of their online communities, enjoys talking about them with other fans, and generally just has a ball with it. That’s “I ❤️ the Internet” Number 2. Fans! Worldwide! How great is that?
But today...today was the biggest “I ❤️ the Internet” day of all, because those Twitter notifications I got this morning? They were from those fans. Those fans, those actors, producers and other folks from that community, all saying, “we’d like to help”.
My friend is not internet savvy. She doesn’t Twitter, can manage Facebook, but doesn’t really know how to reach folks on a grand scale using this tool. When it came time to start a fundraiser, she had just me and my (purposely small) Facebook friends group plus Barb and Kat’s even smaller lists. They asked me to try to raise $3000 based on the premise that Barb would be back to work in a month or two and they just needed some temporary help. I started a $4K go fund me and started talking on the internet.
“Talking on the Internet” is a weird skill. I mean I think I suck at it, but it kind of reminds me of the days when I worked in Top 40 radio....you have a 20 second ramp! Be witty and informative, but mostly be quick! Oh no! The singer started singing! Shut up now!
And you just do that over and over again, until everyone knows the Phrase That Pays or whatever.
Good ole radio...
Anyway...
We pulled together a couple thousand dollars relatively quickly and I thought, this is OK. We’ll be OK.
Then Barb’s prognosis went from 75% 5-yr survival rate to 5%. (I keep wanting to retype that because I wish FIVE PERCENT was a fucking typo. It’s not.)
It became clear that she would never go back to work, might not be alive to vote in the 2020 election, would leave her partner of 25 years devastated, and, let’s face it, leave the world a lot less fun because she’s Barb, and we’re just damn lucky to have her.
That’s what I went to bed with last night. I will likely lose my friend, sooner rather than later. Fuck.
What I woke up to was...Twitter notifications. Fans and folks from The Terror saying hi. Helping. Inviting others to help, because Barb is one of them. This is the Internet. This is...fucking beautiful, is it not?
So...I ❤️ the Internet today. I’ll probably hate it later when my asshole cousin posts mean-spirited political memes on Facebook, but right now? Pure gold.
Cool thing about the Internet? I can also use it to send my undying gratitude. To all of you brilliant, gorgeous folks in The Terror community, you make my day. When Barb sees what you did, she’s gonna cry, but it will be good tears for a change, so THANK YOU.
Thursday, April 18, 2019
Friday, April 5, 2019
Because Zombies Are Less Scary Than Cancer
The best and worst things happen when you start a crowdfunding campaign to help a friend with a medical-bill-induced financial crisis.
[Disclaimer: I know this is just a thing in the USA, and really nowhere else. In this country, the word "Cancer" is synonymous with the word "bankruptcy". We do our best to squeak on by, and in the process, learn a lot about people. Here are some things I have learned.]
The Best: People who don't even know your friend, who are just good people wanting to help, chip in a buck or two, saying, "I don't know your friend but I see she's important to you." Or people who do know your friend chip in surprisingly large amounts and it's a little overwhelming. Things like that.
The Worst: People become super-judge-y about how money is being used. Don't get me wrong, I'm judge-y too. Very. But what would I do with that money? One dinner out. I can eat at home one night.
Looking at you, Norman Reedus.
Why Norman Reedus? Because my friend has fucking cable, and zombies are her comfort. Zombies are less scary than cancer.
It's the navigation of all of the good and the bad that makes it so complicated. You have people giving you money, and you're so grateful--you can't say enough things to express how grateful you are. At the same time you have people who aren't going to budge, and you wonder how much effort to put into them (probably none is a good amount), and you're strategizing how much or how little to talk about it on your Facebook or your Twitter.
What's the tipping point of annoyance in your small circle of acquaintances? If you go past the tipping point, what will happen? Lifetime ban from social media?
I should be so lucky.
And then you have the people who feel like they need to give you a little sermon before telling you no. The ones who don't agree with your friend's "lifestyle" (a 25+ year stable relationship with one person) because she is gay, or that ones that question how they will spend the money because they don't seem particularly good with money.
Let's not forget the ones who, since nothing bad has ever happened to them, personally, figure your friend should have just planned better so they would be ready for the upheaval that cancer brings.
Sure. Should have just...planned better.
Meanwhile, my friend and her partner are about to lose the house, so her (wealthy) parents sent her a greeting card saying they "feel so helpless" and tucked in a $50 gift card to Olive Garden, because that's how fucking tone deaf they are.
It's weird.
Money is weird, people are weird, and people are really fucking weird about money.
PS: Don't get sick.
Anyway...someday my friend and her partner are going to have themselves a fine, celebratory meal at Olive Garden. We'll laugh about her crazy parents and there will be much eye rolling and probably wine and stuff. Until then...let's see if my bullshit can pull them through.
You know the drill...help if you can, and thank you, fair human. Or zombie. Either/or. I don't judge.
[Disclaimer: I know this is just a thing in the USA, and really nowhere else. In this country, the word "Cancer" is synonymous with the word "bankruptcy". We do our best to squeak on by, and in the process, learn a lot about people. Here are some things I have learned.]
The Best: People who don't even know your friend, who are just good people wanting to help, chip in a buck or two, saying, "I don't know your friend but I see she's important to you." Or people who do know your friend chip in surprisingly large amounts and it's a little overwhelming. Things like that.
The Worst: People become super-judge-y about how money is being used. Don't get me wrong, I'm judge-y too. Very. But what would I do with that money? One dinner out. I can eat at home one night.
- Example: My friends have cable and are worried about getting their cable shut off. I hate cable. Haaaaaaaate cable. Hate-hate. But you know what? My friend is stuck on her sick ass at home alone all damn day, not able to work and bored out of her mind. She's not particularly internet savvy--Netflix is like a super complicated, novel thing to her, and she doesn't know what a Roku is. She's drifting in and out of lucidity (on four different painkillers...good grief...). I'll raise $100 so you can have your one comfort for thirty days, even though I want Comcast to burn to the ground (once innocent employees have left the building, of course). What's it to me? Not a damn thing. Next.
Looking at you, Norman Reedus.
Why Norman Reedus? Because my friend has fucking cable, and zombies are her comfort. Zombies are less scary than cancer.
It's the navigation of all of the good and the bad that makes it so complicated. You have people giving you money, and you're so grateful--you can't say enough things to express how grateful you are. At the same time you have people who aren't going to budge, and you wonder how much effort to put into them (probably none is a good amount), and you're strategizing how much or how little to talk about it on your Facebook or your Twitter.
What's the tipping point of annoyance in your small circle of acquaintances? If you go past the tipping point, what will happen? Lifetime ban from social media?
I should be so lucky.
And then you have the people who feel like they need to give you a little sermon before telling you no. The ones who don't agree with your friend's "lifestyle" (a 25+ year stable relationship with one person) because she is gay, or that ones that question how they will spend the money because they don't seem particularly good with money.
Let's not forget the ones who, since nothing bad has ever happened to them, personally, figure your friend should have just planned better so they would be ready for the upheaval that cancer brings.
Sure. Should have just...planned better.
Meanwhile, my friend and her partner are about to lose the house, so her (wealthy) parents sent her a greeting card saying they "feel so helpless" and tucked in a $50 gift card to Olive Garden, because that's how fucking tone deaf they are.
It's weird.
Money is weird, people are weird, and people are really fucking weird about money.
PS: Don't get sick.
Anyway...someday my friend and her partner are going to have themselves a fine, celebratory meal at Olive Garden. We'll laugh about her crazy parents and there will be much eye rolling and probably wine and stuff. Until then...let's see if my bullshit can pull them through.
You know the drill...help if you can, and thank you, fair human. Or zombie. Either/or. I don't judge.
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