Impassioned

I was filling out a form yesterday and one of the questions asked why I thought (insert thing I do for money) was important.

The field allowed for 250 words.

Would you cringe at the idea of summarizing your work into a 250 word description? Or do you have a job that is "I do X" with no emotion attached to the process or the outcome?


I went for it.


I used 4 paragraphs, 231 words.


I won't re-post it here, because I work for somebody and as long as I am taking their money, those things are their business and not yours, but there was a tone to that response that I wondered and worried about, after I hit the "Submit" button.

I wondered if I was too emotional, to philosophical, or too...impassioned, in my response. I really laid it on thick, Mission Statement style, and sounded like some shitty corporate weasel trying to make everybody feel good about the work they do at the annual Town Hall webinar. It was a true emotion while I was writing it, but after I sent it I felt a little queasy, like I knew someone was going to read that and roll their eyes so hard they would need help getting their fact un-stuck (never forget your mother's warnings!).

On any given Tuesday *I* would be the one rolling my eyes at the things I said. I would have looked at that and thought, "Oh dear gawd, give me a break. Are there donuts?" and passed it off as, yes, just something people say to underlings in a corporate environment to make them feel like any of this shit matters.

Let me be clear: None of this shit matters. If I stopped doing the work I do, you would not notice. If I had the means, I would retreat to the cabin up north and happily work part time at the local bakery/sandwich shop (which is fantastic, by the way--softest bread, ever, and that bowl of chicken and wild rice soup will keep you warm for days) if they'd have me.


Then I'd be all excited about a job.

I mean, come on, it's bread!

You would notice if there was no more bread.


I do what I do because I have a knack and they pay me well and that's kind of it, which sounds like I couldn't care less, but here's the thing: I'm loyal as hell. I am! Truly. However...my loyalty to my work is actually just my loyalty to my philosophy of work, in general--the current employer is the most recent recipient of my work ethic.

In my roundabout way, that's my means of saying it is OK to have a nerdy, impassioned answer for why what you do is important. If you think your job is dumb, you're probably right. It's dumb. It's not your job that is important, it's why you do that particular thing the way you do it, that is important.

I have been thinking a lot about my job, lately, and how all I do is sit around all day, doing things badly because that's how my boss wants them done, and thinking everything we are doing is crap but, the boss is the boss so that's how we are doing it and stamping my name on this work is making me look like shit. Filling out that form reminded me that...well...it isn't me. I do care. I just...don't care about this current thing and allowing myself to stay stuck in this place is bad for me.

As Quentin Crisp said: “It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, 'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.' By then, pigs will be your style.”

As it happens, my boss got a copy of all of our forms, though the boss wasn't the one asking the question. If he takes it as a hint to start a conversation about my future, that would be cool, and would inspire me to stick it out. If not, well...he's got a heads up that I need more. I'm impassioned, damn-it!

Maybe it will help him be less surprised when I ditch this gig and go bake bread in the woods.