To Have And Have Not

This is probably my favorite picture of him despite the blur (Sorry...I messed with it as much as I dared). I call it the "Bogey" shot because it reminds me so much of Humphrey Bogart--piloting a boat, cap on, a couple of days worth of beard happening, smoke hanging out of his mouth....you get the idea.

I remember one time he walked into a radio station where I was working and one of my female co-workers, who didn't know who he was, gave me a hard nudge, mouth dropped open, while saying "Holy Sh*t! Did you see that guy?" She was ready to crawl into his lap, and considering that he and I were freshly divorced at the time, I wasn't sure quite what to say.

He was a bit of a rule breaker, which I always find charming, and we were young, and therefore dumb as hell, so it was bound to end as explosively as it began. Our daughters would not be the same hilarious, devilish, wonderful people without him as a dad, though, and, probably not nearly as cute.

Some people regret failed love affairs, but try as I might, I never can. Throwing yourself in all the way might make you do crazy things, and the outcome might hurt like hell for a while. You might even think back on it years later and feel bad about the stupid things you did. But it is only through these kinds of relationships that you find your true place. You learn about yourself and about other people, and you learn what works and what doesn't--hopefully you learn before you cause each other too much harm. In the end, four years of crazy is far better than a lifetime of nothing special.